Grace Part Twelve.

Since I’ve been through what I’ve experienced, I now fully believe no matter who you are, rich or poor, I think that at least once in your lifetime you will go through something that will make or break you! Riches can’t stop that happening. I always think of a famous person who if I was to mention her you would know who she is, my Husband don’t like her, there are people I’m not keen on either, the same with yourselves, you too have people you know or have seen on the telly, who you either admire or just not keen on. I said to Paul, “Even Mrs X with all her riches, has been through at least one very difficult time in her life, just cause we don’t know about it, for no one can escape it.” It’s what I call ‘Life’."  

So I ended up very quickly having, not one, not two but three, yes THREE counsellors at the same time!! All professionals, I don’t know how many people you have met, who has had three counsellors, at the same time.
 
The first one was Cheryl. She was lovely, she was in one of the rooms in the large family planning building, it was a small cosy office, she was softly spoken and gentle, and she tried to speak to my mind, to reason with me to relax, so that I would then relax and be able to consummate my marriage, as everything was all in my mind, that was what needed to change. My thinking, my views on sex. She also then referred me to the second counsellor, she too was on the NHS, but she was twelve miles away! So my days off was spent going to the counsellors. Now Beverley I didn’t like! She was not soft spoken, gentle or basically  a people person, she shouldn’t have been a counsellor, she was physical counsellor, so with Paul standing next to me, this seemly angry woman, proceeded to insert a metal tube into my vagina! It was horrible! She was horrible, I was humiliated, hurting and felt I was been abused all over again! My Uncle didn’t have to go through none of this when he got married! in fact, who knew that such things happened, but this is what I had to endure, if I wanted to succeed. So each week I’d go to see Cheryl and Beverley, two extreme counsellors. Beverley had no heart!

With Martyn it was different, maybe out of the three he was more experienced? I don’t know, he too would try to speak to my mind, but he’d add things like porm videos, he’d loan me to watch, having never watched one before, it was sad that it had come to this! It was to show me how ‘easy’ sex is, that it was no big deal. So with my new Husband siting next to me on the sofa at home we watched a threesome, in German with subtitles, there was no real story line, just, debauchery. The videos didn’t relax me, for I couldn’t relate to any of them. Martyn gave me mini tampons to try and insert them into myself at home, I didn’t even go down that path! Where was I suppose to put it! I didn’t know!

As time went by, Martyn, and he got to know us, he reduced his fee first to fifteen pounds then down to ten pounds. Which we were grateful for. Then one day, when we were there Paul suggested I use cannabis! Martyn raised his eye brows, for he was not allowed to agree or suggest and Paul said to Martyn and me, “I will ask some of the lads at work to get me some, that will relax you.” I thought, God help me!

So the following day, Paul asked at his work place for some and he was able to buy it, when I came home from work, he’d made a cheesecake, and sprinkled it on top!!! The cheesecake, was small about three inches in circumference and two inches tall. As we watched the comedy, ‘Men Behaving Badly,’ it was the one where, Neil Morrisssey , he had to have glasses, it was one of the funniest things I’d EVER seen!!! I laughed and laughed, it was just SO hilarious, I’d look at Paul and he’d be looking at me, he didn’t think it was that funny, he didn’t think it was funny at all! But I wear glasses so I could relate. He thought it was the cannabis, doing its thing, relaxing me.   

So I ate all the cheesecake, then I said to Paul, “What time is it?” He replied, “8’Oclock.” Then I said, something else, and then I said to Paul, “Am I talking rubbish?” He replied, “Yes.” I then said, “What time is it?” He replied, “Ten past eight,” I then asked him, “What’s the time?” He replied, “Eleven minutes past eight,” I said, “Do I keep asking the time?” Paul said, “Yes you do.” Then I talked some more gibberish and again I asked him, “Am I making sense?” Paul replied, “No you are not.”  I realized I had no sense of time, I didn’t know what an hour was or one minute! For to me, one minute felt like it was an hour had past”

Then my heart started to beat fast! Then it went faster!! My breathing then changed and it became deep and slow, very slow, I said to Paul, “I need an ambulance,” He said, “You’ll be OK,” I thought, ‘he is going to let me die, I’m going to die, for how can he call the ambulance and tell them he has given me cannabis?’  Then I said to Paul, I feel, “I feel sick, I think I’m going to vomit,” He said, lets go to the bathroom,”  I walked to the bathroom, I felt awful and as soon as I went in, the only way I can describe it was like with great force, the vomit, it expelled, shot out of my mouth with such power, it was like a horror movie! I’ve never in my life was I sick like that! It felt like I’d eaten something bigger than I could fit into my body! The amount was unreal. Paul then flushed the loo and put the lid down and sat me down with a bowl in front of me he gave me a large glass of water and said, “Drink this”, I had to hold it with both hands but I didn’t know how to put the glass to my mouth, because in a second, I’d forget what he’d said, so I just held it, he had to gently raise the glass from the bottom, till it reached my lips but then I didn’t know what to do! He said, “Have a drink,” I took a sip, then he said, “You need to drink it all, for you need to sick it all out,” So each time, as I held the glass just holding it, he’d say, “Take another drink,” He’d then raise the glass to my mouth, until I was sick again. He said, “You must keep been sick until the sick runs clear as water.” When I was sick the last time, he held out his hands for me to me sick into it, so he was satisfied, that he could see just water in his hands and nothing else, then he said, “You’ll feel better now, that it has all gone from your body.” 

This was the only time in my life I’d taken cannabis. I didn’t even know what it smelt like until I got married, when Paul had told me, when I’d smelt it up town and didn’t know what it was.  The following, week when we went to see Martyn we told him what had happened he was shocked that I’d eaten it! I told him, “I don’t smoke, I’ve never smoked.” He too was surprised it didn’t kill me! As he’d never heard of anyone putting it on top of a cheese cake before!