CLUELESS

I was never a writer. I am not a writer and it is safe to say I never will be one. So why am I am writing this book? More importantly, how am I able to write a book if I am not a writer? Before I answer these questions, let me first tell you what the book is about. The answer is - I do not have the slightest idea. I just decided I wanted to write something and here I am. We’ll figure out what this book is about as we progress. Believe me, right now you are as clueless about the book as I am.  If I am being honest, I don’t really have very high expectations from this book. I don’t care if it does become a best-seller. Actually, I don’t really care if it sells at all. My only aim is to complete it.

Disclaimer:

This book is not unique, but let’s face it so aren’t you. You wouldn’t be reading this book if you were. This book isn’t different from any other self-help books. It’ll tell you the same things that other books tell you, like you are responsible for your own happiness or you need to stop caring about what the world thinks of you or some other similar made up crap just to get you motivated for the next 5 minutes of your life. We all know what happens after the 5 minutes, don’t we? We realize life is useless, we realize we are useless and we get back to square one where we are depressed and waiting for some miracle to happen in life or waiting for someone to come save us. But that’s not going to happen.  So if there is no point to this book why did you write it Ankit and more importantly why should we read it? Why did I write it? I was bored and had to kill time. Why will you read it? Because you are miserable and if there is a tiny chance that something can get you of this misery, you’ll do it.

If you think I am being rude and being a little polite wouldn’t kill, I honestly don’t care. I am not going to sugarcoat anything for you. If you cannot handle the truth, it is you fault and not mine.  I sound badass, don’t I? I’d like to be, but I’m not. I’m just another fucked-up, broken piece of shit waiting for my tiny ray of hope. The only difference between me and you is that I know that I am loser and I’ve made my piece with it. It doesn’t look like a noble task, but since I’ve accepted my reality, my misery has reduced.

Fair warning, only move ahead with the book if you enjoyed whatever you have read so far. You’ll just be wasting your time otherwise. I don’t want you to read the book and be like “what a stupid book!” or   “these are few hours of my life I’ll never get back” and please do not start trolling me on the net. Remember, I warned you beforehand to not read this book. So, if you do not like the book it is your fault. You are responsible for reading the book even after being told not to.

Anyway, I think that’s enough chit-chat.

Before we get to the book, I’d like to introduce myself. I think you already know my name by now, no point mentioning it again. If you don’t then you have problems, my friend. You either have really bad concentration or you just plain dumb. You can improve your concentration but there is nothing you can do about the latter. You just have to live with it. But my friend’s Crash and Eddie (Ice-age) say they are happy because they are very very stupid, I suppose, you might be doing all right. And isn’t that what we all want. We are all trying to be happy. Who would’ve thought the smartest solution to the problem is to be dumb. Ironical.

Getting back to me, I am one of those socially awkward guys, filled with arrogance and just want to watch the world burn. No, actually I just want humans to suffer. What happens to this planet is the least of my concern. I always thought I was special, that I was born to do big things in life. I always hated being compared to the crowd. I did things differently so I could stand out from the crowd. While I was writing an idea struck my mind. I’d describe every bad quality in me, I’ll tell you why am I like this and also how did I change (maybe not completely, but still better than you)?  I don’t promise that I can help you change or you improve your life. I am just here to tell my life experiences and make money off from you unhappy bastards. So let’s drop the idea of my introduction and let’s get started with the book.

This book will be very much unorganized. There will be no continuity. I might jump from one point to another without any warning. The reason is that I either want to make you mad or I had nothing more to say and what I do say might be contradictory. You don’t have to agree with everything I say. You don’t have to agree to anything I say. I couldn’t care less if I upset you at any point in time or if I hurt your feelings.  I do not claim to be some sort of expert who can fix your life. I mean, I cannot fix my own. If at any point you feel like burning this book, go ahead, just don’t ask me for a fucking refund.

Is happiness a myth?

Told you I’ll randomly talk about topics.

We all want out happily ever after. And why shouldn’t we? All those fairy tales, we read where a girl meets boy, they fell in love, society tells them they can’t be together, they go against society, they face hardships and finally they are together, made us believe in happily ever after.  But is it happy? I am yet to read a fairy tale that gives light to what happens after. I’ll tell you what happens. They get married. For a while, they create a love-bubble where they make promises to live together for eternity or say crap like “you complete me”. But it is all bullshit. There is no happily ever after. There is only an ever after which is far worse than fighting with society to get your love approved. Sooner or later the bubble bursts and the couple comes in touch with reality. They soon realize you cannot survive with love only. They realize a marriage requires not only romance but finance too. Oh, wait! I forgot how these horny couples have a kid before they realize the monetary needs. So now this sweet happy family who is facing financial problems realize they have materialistic needs to but have no means to fulfill them. So that’s when they start fighting. Some couples yell at each other, some resort to violence. Some couple part ways while others continue to suffer. Why? Because love requires sacrifice. Love requires patience. But nobody cares about the child. Nobody realizes how hard it is for that innocent soul who has to watch his parents fight every day. If this is not enough parents take out their anger on the kid. What is the kid's fault? He didn’t force anyone to bring him to this world, he didn’t get to choose his parents, and now gets stuck with some crappy people. So why is he suffering so much? All my life I have been told that you are responsible for your own actions. So how does this kid who has never taken any action in his life end up with such a life? Does he not deserve to be happy? The story doesn’t end here. The kid grows up. He doesn’t believe in things like love. He never trusts anyone enough to open up to others. He never wants to be in a relation, because he does not want to end up like his parents. So this kid grows up to be socially awkward in a world where communication is the key to success.  Then comes a point where he cannot suppress his feelings anymore. His need to human interaction increases. He wants to be loved, he wants to be heard, he wants to express, and he wants to cry. But a funny thing happens. After all these years of suppressing his emotions and avoiding people, he now has no one to speak to, nor does he know how to express himself. So now he is all lonely, all depressed. He has no motivation left in his life. He doesn’t know what to do in life. He sits on a couch all day, all night sulking. 

Most of you readers have had a life like this or somewhat similar where songs like “Hello darkness my old friend” defines you. So, the important question is how to be happy? Let me tell you something important first. Your life is a bus station and problems are like buses. As soon as one bus goes, the other will arrive. Sometimes more than one bus can arrive. And it is the same for everyone.  Now, I tried reading a lot of books to find a solution to this. Here are some stupid solutions that I found:

• Mediate (Sounds spiritual?)- You breathe in, you breathe out. This is hilarious. Every time you take a deep breath your loan amount reduces. Or every time you exhale peacefully, your sick child is getting better.  
• Try talking to others- Yeah right! Like I have friends.
• Make a journal- Because I’m such a good writer.
• Exercise- Your student loan might not be repaid but the 6 packs does give you some satisfaction.

There’s more you can find easily on the internet. Now, I am not telling you to not try this. It may work for you, it may not work for you. However, what I know noticed is after trying out each of these activities I realize that I attain happiness for a short period of time, and then I am back to having thoughts that make me question the existence of this universe. I don’t want to be happy for 10 or 20 minutes. I want to be happy forever. How do achieve that? A better question is can I achieve that? The answer is no. You cannot be happy all the time. You shouldn’t be happy all the time. Happily ever after is a myth. The only ever after is death and death is not pleasant. Of course, you shouldn’t be sad all the time too. Now don’t get mad because I didn’t say things like you shouldn’t be sad at all. I told you beforehand I am not sugarcoating anything for you. Why do I want you to be sad? It is simple. When you are sad you try to improve yourself and you try to make things better for you which leads to innovation and creation. If I was happy in my life, I would have never written this and if you weren’t sad you’d not be reading such a masterpiece. See, good things can arise in sadness. It’s all about perspective. You cannot change the way your life is very easy, but you change your perspective.  Now I’m not telling you to see the glass half full. You can see the glass half empty but you don’t have to be sad about it. In fact, I’d say you should think of ways to get the glass full. Sounds impossible, or stupid?  Because it is, but you know what, when you are trying to achieve the impossible you are not sitting on your couch anymore and eating away your sorrow. For me this book is an attempt to get my glass full. It is hard. I swear to god I honestly have no clue what to write, how to write and I am pretty sure that whatever I have written so far is completely crap. But, I am not sad anymore now. Okay, I am, but not sad. Honestly, most of my time is spend on writing now so I don’t have the time to feel sad. I do have my lows someday when I don’t do anything but eat and cry to numb my pain. But common, everyone has a cheat day. So, I’m doing well. It’ll be a problem if my cheat days become cheat days.

This doesn’t mean I am asking you to write a book. But I am pretty sure you have been dying to do something forever and you have been too sad to start. It could be to read a book, to draw, to create something, to start socializing. You haven’t started because you are waiting for the right time. There is no right time, there will never be a right time. So start today. Stop reading this book and start. Come back when you take a break.

You might be thinking that I was high when I wrote this and how I don’t make any sense. You might be right. I might be talking shit, but you know what I don’t care anymore. I wrote it because I wanted to. I wrote is because it makes me happy and I wrote it because I can. And that is exactly what I want you to do. I want you to stop caring.  I just want you to do! That’s enough for today. I am exhausted. Let me tell you writing a book is no joke. 4 pages and my brain is exhausted and I need to take a break. So, I’ll see you later.

Please do tell how'd you like it and wether i should complete this book. Also criticism is much appreciated.