NOREEN IS ALWAYS RIGHT

Noreen is always right
That girl is never wrong
Her arguments are re-enforced
Eloquent and strong
She can talk the hind leg off a donkey
Her hyperbole is ace
With words that grab you by the throat
And slap you in the face.

Noreen is always right
Of that there is no doubt
A lexicon of rhetoric
Is what that girl’s about
She doesn’t need a soapbox
To get her point across
So forget your level playing field
‘Cos Noreen is the boss.

Noreen is always right
She’ll give it all she’s got
F.A. Cup and Premier League
Our Noreen’s won the lot
Goalie, Winger, Inside Right
Playmaker and Striker
A winning streak makes her unique
In fact there’s no one like her.

Noreen is always right
Of that there’s no escape
She’ll make Noah take up water sports
And Darwin forget the ape
She’ll run rings around your logic
With words both big and bold
Compete in the Verbal Olympics
And come back with a gold.

Noreen is always right
And there’s nothing you can do
She’ll turn your head three-sixty degrees
To see her point of view
She’ll sell sand to the Arabs
And snow to Eskimos
Reduce you to a quivering wreck
With everything she knows.

Noreen is always right
She’ll stand up to the test
From Kathmandu to Timbuktu
She’ll verbalise the best
From Mandalay to Hemingway
To Dickens, Lear and Carroll
Noreen grabs them by the nuts
And drapes them on a barrel.

Noreen is always right
They come from far and wide
But words that fly like shrapnel
Make grown men run and hide
She quotes from this, she quotes from that
She quotes from old and new
Tears words up into letters
Then mails them back to you.

Noreen is always right
She’s going to be a lawyer
So if you get your collar felt
Be certain to employ her
She’ll turn the jury inside out
They’ll think that black is white
And get you off with compensation
Because Noreen is always right.

Noreen is always right
She clings like sticky toffee
She’s the icing on the cake
The full cream in your coffee
She’s the words inside your head
As you hum your favourite song
But remember, Noreen’s always right
Even when she’s wrong.