Anti-Social Behaviour - A macabre black shoes and prawn sandwich tale.

We’re often told there are areas within our brains we don't know how to use, yet. Maybe it's just as well?

ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOUR

Joe Hammond had an enquiring mind and for some time had been interested in the subject of telekinesis. He felt sure it would work for him if he tried hard enough. Many times he tried to make things move, but got nowhere with every inanimate object he’d tried. No matter how much he concentrated, or for how long, nothing seemed to happen. Not so much as a tiny flicker of movement; but afterwards he always felt exhausted, so he was sure all the energy he’d been radiating must be going somewhere.

Then by chance, lazing on the hammock in his garden one Sunday afternoon, enjoying a prawn sandwich and concentrating on a peanut balanced on his wrist, he happened to notice a long line of ants making their way towards a nearby tree. Feeling curious, he abandoned his current project and, sandwich in hand, jumped down from the hammock and moved in closer. He could see dozens of ants already trudging up the trunk of the tree. In a hopeful moment of inspiration he concentrated his mind on them, willing them to come to him instead.

Imagine his elation when all the tiny creatures stopped moving. Nothing happened for a few moments, then the next one in line, the one about to climb the tree, abruptly turned and headed towards Joe, closely followed by all the others behind it. Almost at the same time, all those on the tree twisted around and faced downwards. Then one after the other, in turn, they moved down and merged in line with the other column.

Before Joe could move out of the way, the first ant reached his right shoe and started to climb up onto it. Amused, he quickly brushed it away with his free hand, but the next one in line resolutely began to replace it, followed by the next and the next. He became annoyed, then alarmed as more and more of them climbed up on both his new black shoes.

Joe dropped his sandwich and then frantically brushed the ants off with both hands and jumped away from the vicinity of the tree. He leapt back over to his hammock, climbed back into it and waited apprehensively. The line of insects didn’t hesitate. It steadily approached the stout wooden peg, tethering the rope, securing the hammock to the top of its nearest metal pole.

Joe was amazed to see the line of insects begin to climb up the rope towards him. He soon began to feel it was time to leave again. He could almost sense the induced vibrations in the rope, resulting from their reinforced, soldier like, footsteps. He decided to jump out of the hammock again, but this time he fled indoors.

Safely inside, but sadly missing his sandwich, Joe sat down in the kitchen and thought about what had happened. Had he really made those ants come after him? Certainly he had tried to concentrate on making them change direction, some of them anyway. It seemed remarkable that they had all decided to do it at the same time. He didn’t know much about ants, but they often seemed to do things together. Perhaps they could communicate with each other in some way. Some kind of group mind phenomenon perhaps, and by chance he’d hit upon their broadcast frequency

Joe went over to the window facing the garden to try and see what they were doing. He happened to glance down at the floor, by the door he’d just dashed through. To his consternation he saw that the long line of ants had found a way in, through a small gap under the door. It was already heading towards him!

Alarmed again, but determined not to panic, Joe backed away towards one of the cupboards by the sink. He opened it and reached in for an aerosol insect spray. Aiming it carefully at the leaders he pressed the trigger. It sprayed nicely for about three seconds, then suddenly it died on him… empty, and there were no more of them in the cupboard.

The first four ants came to a halt, then began twisting around in their death throes. The rest just trudged around them and came towards Joe again, relentlessly. This was even more alarming.

He decided to try stamping on them, but that idea was a failure. They were smaller than the grooves in the soles of his shoes and somehow most of them managed to avoid being crushed. When they began to climb up over his feet, Joe knew it was time to leave again. He took off the shoes and threw them over by the door. The rest of the ants ignored them, but he noticed that those on the discarded shoes soon dropped off and began to head towards him again.

That’s when he did panic. He gave a yell and fled out of the kitchen into the hallway. Closing the kitchen door was obviously futile, but he did it anyway, then he opened the front door and dashed out of the house. Half way down the drive he halted, as a profound thought came to him. If he had made them come after him, why couldn’t he make them go away in the opposite direction?

He went back up the drive and was about to open the front door, when he saw the line of insects emerging from beneath it. He stepped back several paces and began to concentrate. He willed them to turn around again with all the mental pressure he could muster. It didn’t work, but they did pause for a moment, as if awaiting instructions. Then they resumed their course directly towards him.

He backed away, and then looked over to his left. He was alarmed to see another column of ants heading towards him, coming from under the next door garden fence. He looked to his right and was horrified to see yet another column coming his way from that direction.

Joe didn’t wait for any of them to reach him. In his stocking feet he fled down the drive and ran across the road towards the beach. His small inflated rowing boat was where he’d left it that morning. Pushing it out from the shore he jumped in and reached for the oars, until he realised he’d taken them into his garden shed, and left them there, that very morning.

Being well afloat though, he felt secure. It was a calm day so he slowly paddled the boat with his hands for about five minutes until he was reasonably distant from the shore. The sun was warm and he felt safer, so he decided to calm down and relax for a while.

Eventually, curiosity overcame him. Raising himself up as high as possible and taking care not to overbalance, he shaded his eyes and gazed back at the beach. All was not well. As far as he could see a large part of it was shifting black and brown in colour, with what he was sure must be ants. He frantically paddled with both hands and the boat began to move further along the shore.

Soon he was slowly heading towards a rocky spit of land that seemed to him to be clear of insects. He paddled faster and was relieved to see he was making good progress. Then to his delight, he suddenly realised that a current had seized the boat and was taken him gently around the end of the rocks. But then he heard a faint buzzing sound.

A vast dark cloud rose up from behind the beach and began to head towards him. He watched in horrified anticipation as it rapidly approached, realising what it must be. Swarms of flying ants, thousands and thousands of them, determined to get at him. He began to shake and scream in fear as the huge swarm coalesced and began to descend over his unprotected craft.

Eventually, there were millions of them flying in from every direction. They filled the boat, and covered him. The combined awesome weight and density soon began to smother him.

After sufficient time, with enough tiny holes chewed into the plastic material of the boat, the group mind that controlled them felt able to let them depart. It knew it was free again, from yet another mutated threat to its telepathic powers of communication