Where's me?

"I learned a lot through my degree course which is Psychology. Realising that actually humans are afraid to feel emotions that causes most mental disorders. 

Sad 'I don't like feeling sad. Because I had enough of feeling sad'

Fear 'I hate fear. That's why I end up doing it'

and etc..

You know it's horrible to think that you couldn't seek your happiness from your family nor your close friends from your experiences in life. I placed my root wrongly: never put your happiness on people but God. But hey, that's how I found God!

I would have let other people's emotions to myself and being sad as well. Not like I intentionally wanted that to happen, but I know how pain feels like and it is so uneasy. It's when you feel like throbbing your heart out just to not feel it because it could take you towards unwished nightmares sometimes. I have not created any boundaries for myself that I would let people's sadness dragged me in. Sometimes I even have my pity taking over to seek any possible chances to let them happy.

I was being told not to feel responsible upon other's sadness MANY TIMES. I did not have self-pity and I would consider my enemy as my friend. I ONLY knew that from my clinical psychologist. Other than that, I'd also make my best friend circle bigger because I have always welcome people into my special circle. I like peace, I'd like to love.

BUT

No boundaries, big special circle, no self-pity - but then, where is me?

Where is the love for myself? I don't have self-pity that I prioritise people's feeling so much without thinking about my own sadness. People's sadness are my sadness. Then where is me? Myself? Where's my sadness? I ignore my sadness and attend to their's?

The thing about me is that I DO love myself. But I also didn't realise about this ignored part of me suffering.

Too much love to give, I forgot the boundaries. 

And yet it reminded myself I'm actually still learning to love myself in the right way.

I think this has an important message to tell, appreciating your emotions and people's emotion. NOT BEING DRAGGED OFF. Because we all have our own stories and growth, it's important for us all to feel these emotions. That's what takes us to who we really are and we all keep on learning from it. People have emotions and emotions are beautiful things for us all to experienced from.

It's okay to sad

It's okay to fear

You're learning."

Sincerely, your friend.