I'm Afraid

I'm afraid.

Of everything.

Of not being strong enough. Not being there for the people who need me.
Of being too selfish to cope with their pain as well as mine.

I'm afraid of not being selfish enough as well. Of taking on too much
and loosing my mind with the pressure of it all.

I'm afraid to shut off, to let go in case I can never get it back. And
I'm afraid that if I don't let go I'll crack up.

I can't relax, I can't sleep, I can't dream.

I'm afraid to shut my eyes knowing that it'll all come back to
me...those images I can't bear to think about. But they're there. I
know they're there. They haunt me.

I'm afraid to laugh, I feel guillty I suppose.

I'm afraid to cry, I can't be so weak.

I'm afraid to go out. I'm afraid to stay in.

I'm afraid that I'll never be what she thought I would be.

And I'm afraid that I will.

I'm afraid of life arn't I?

Funny thing though.

I'm not afraid to die.