The Untold Story of a Grim Reaper: Chapter 14: Relapse

In the nick of time, Ethel and Julius walked in singing and laughing. Julius said between large breaths, “You should have been there, Noa, some kids were playing in the street singing this song. It was quite a moment.” he looked around, “Did your friend, Lilli, leave?”

I admired how adorable Ethel and Julius were together and nodded, “Yes, her parent’s called her to go home.”

Ethel put her coat up and smiled, “Well, we were happy to have her. She can come over any time you wish.”

I smiled but wasn’t in favor of it. I announced I’d be in my room the remainder of the night, I wanted to forget the dark questions Eliakim had left me with. Julius asked me to wait a moment as he got something out of the trunk of his car. He walked back in and handed me an extravagant wire and wood birdcage. A lot more generous than what I had in mind but I accepted it and gave him a warm hug. He was quite large so I felt like a bear was squeezing me.

Running upstairs with my gift I was itched by the shame of what I was doing to them. I gently hung the birdcage on its stand next to my window. I opened it about a foot and whistled a small tune. My crow peered around the corner and swooped into my room. It landed on my bed and curiously poked at the fabric.

Picking it up, I showed it its new home. I knew I’d have to leave the cage door and window open all the time. Since learning that I could possibly lose my spirit forever, giving it a place for rest provided me a sense of security. 

I looked at the small hand clock above the closet and was disappointed that it was only eight o’clock. Since I was now a sleepless being, I was losing the ability to keep myself distracted. Keeping me from becoming completely overwhelmed by my anger towards God and myself. But containing this much sadness and frustration was exhausting, I needed to find other means to distract myself.

I opened my window wider and was able to scale up the wall to the roof of the house. I brought myself to the edge of where the roof lied flat and looked out to the neighborhood. 

From where I was standing, I realized I was lost, a stranger to my former life and the body I left behind. And that all those who knew Edith, could never know or understand what happened to me. I could swan dive from this roof, let gravity carry me to fate but there were no more endings for me. It was just constant beginnings. How could I find peace in a way such as this when this beginning was a restless reminder of the ending I chose? Looking into each home I saw that sleep would give everyone their ending. But to each his own as we poison and cure ourselves to our moral graves.

I was lost to who I was becoming, but I found myself in Jonah and Aaron. I saw Edith in both of them. 

By the bark of my crow I realized my heels were all that were left standing on the roof. The crow’s call made a sound that reminded me of how I left Jonah this afternoon. Screaming a siren that apparently might have given me my ending. I really did owe Lilli my soul, but what scared me was that she also knew that, and that she wanted to collect.

I needed to get my mind off being dead, so I decided to visit the only two people that made me feel alive. 

Rather than flying, I sunk into the shadows of the moon. Swimming through the shadows was like walking through a room of rain but anywhere you stood it wasn’t raining. A setting of black with small movements in silhouettes of sand and dust. The shadows were to my command as I told them to give me the path to the school. 

I rose to the surface when I heard the faint trumpets and drum line. In the school parking lot, from the shadow of someones truck, I reassembled. Following the sound of the music, I shuffled nervously for I was unsure what Jonah, or anyone for that matter, remembered. 

By the looks of dwindling players, practiced seemed to be ending. I spotted Aaron still practicing with his saxophone but Jonah was at the bleachers packing up. I waved to Jonah when I knew his peripheral vision would catch me. Jonah gave a nod to acknowledge me, he stood up a little taller and waved for me to join him.

I quickly shuffled across the dimly lit field, relieved to see that Jonah didn’t recollect what had happened at school. He sat down as I approached and patted the spot next to him. He smiled, “Aaron will be another minute, his section has to clean up their cues.”

I sat, “That’s fine.”

Jonah took out a granola, “You want one?”

I starred at it longingly but declined, “No, allergies. Remember?”

Jonah became tense and broke eye contact, “I am so sorry, I remember.”

I laughed to brush of the awkward mood I made, “Jeez, Jonah, you gonna cry about it?”

He comically wiped his face and mocked, “Yes, have a tissue?” 

He sniffled, wiping his nose with a smile under his hand.

I nudged him, “How was practice?”

He swallowed a bite from his granola, “It was long.” His head bobbed from a recollection, “By the way, what happened to you earlier?”

I tensed, “What do you mean?”

“After school, during the fire alarm?”

“Fire alarm?”

He did a double take, “Don’t tell me you missed that? You and I were talking, the fire alarm went off, and then you just disappeared.”

Aaron skipped up to us, looking packed and ready to leave, “Hey, Noa! You coming over too?” 

Saved by the bell, I jumped on the chance to change topics, “I’d love to. You sounded great, by the way.”

Aaron beamed, “You heard us?” He gestured to start leaving to his car, “We’re pretty rusty, have a lot of more work to do.” 

Something broke my tension and pulled me into a state of alarm. Someone was near us, someone with ill intent. I held my hand in the air, silencing the boys. I was about to explain but it was too late. Tori and a few other kids jumped out from the shrubs and pinned us down. The sound of Jonah and Aaron’s instruments hitting the ground made an awful crack. 

I suppressed my initial reaction, which was to break them in half. We were all forced to lay flat on our backs and with the ratio being three to six it didn’t look promising. 

This could have been a moment when I broke out and spilled all the strength of a reaper on them. But I couldn’t. What I felt was too strong, was too dangerous and I did not know how to contain or work this new body to apply it correctly to this situation. My fear of murdering one of them overruled my fear for helping my friends. 

They were laughing hysterically and howling like hyenas. A boy with long, tangled blonde hair was sitting on my legs. I could have kicked him easily hundred feet off me, but with this much adrenaline pumping I might overdo it. Tori was sitting on Jonah with his knees digging into his stomach. Jonah was strong enough to break free, but with another boy pinning down his arms, made it an unfair advantage. My chest burned with rage, but I had to wait, I had to calm down.

I tried to speak to manipulate their minds but all of them placed a hand over each of our mouths, trying to prevent us from screaming. I had to think of something fast. 

Tori whistled and yelled, “Who wants a tattoo?” He took out a knife and waved it above Jonah’s face. I was suppressing so much power. it hurt so much to hold it all in, but if I didn’t I might do something I regret and spiral into damnation over just a few scratches. Tori repeated, “Who wants a pretty, pretty tattoo?” 

The boys all laughed and the one sitting on me pointed at the sides of my arms.

In a voice as stupid as his face, he howled, “Tori, Tori, Tori, this ones got two tats.” 

All of them joined in mocking comments. Tori and the boy sitting on me traded places. Tori slapped one hand on my mouth. 

Tori was now leaning on top of me giving me kissy faces and cackling. They were obviously drunk; I could smell it on his breath. He twisted me side to side looking at my marks over and over again before saying, “How old are you?”

I clenched my teeth as he gave me a moment to speak before he covered my mouth again, “Fifteen.”

They all mocked me by repeating fifteen to one another, “How’d you get a tattoo, Miss Fifteen?”

“None of your business.”

He abruptly laughed, spit spewing all over my face and hair, “You can tell me, I can keep a secret. I can do other things too, I can be sweet on you if you’re a good girl.”

I clenched my teeth so hard, I began to hear them crack and adjust. He opened his hands asking for a response from me, “Is that a yes?” 

I spoke through my teeth but felt demons in my voice, “You are nothing.”

He slapped me across my face before slamming his hand over my mouth. 

Tori snickered and brought his face centimeters from mine, “You don’t want to kiss me?” He pointed his knife at Jonah, “I think your friend does, I think your friend would love to lay one on me.” 

He sneered, the aroma of alcohol paraded in my nose as I sang, “Please, forgive me if I shy from you. Just show your hands, to prove peace is renewed.”

Tori asked, “What the hell was that?”

“You should run.”

All the other boys laughed but Tori didn’t. He nodded to the other boy pinning me down. 

He called him Kurt. Kurt got up and covered my mouth with both of his hands. The others continued exchanging comments as Tori’s knife grazed the fabric of my shirt.

“Do you want another tattoo?” He rested his pocketknife on the side of my waist. 

I saw Aaron struggled his mouth free, “Hey, shitface.” Tori cut his glare to Aaron. Aaron yelled, “Piss off.”

Tori nodded his head, “Greg, switch places with me.” 

Swiftly the boys switched victims and Tori slammed his knees down on Jonah’s chest. Jonah’s coughing was heartbreaking. Between statements he slapped Jonah, “You still think you’re smart, Aaron?” Tori slapped Jonah’s right cheek, “Now your friend has to pay for your stupidity.” Then slapped Jonah’s left cheek, “The fine you have to pay is… ‘I HEART BOYS’ carved… in your arm.”

The boys all joined in name calling and landed a few smacks on each of us. The boy sitting on my legs leaned his body on me flat. I passively took it, my mind colliding with old memories. My brain swelled from the pain those memories brought me. Flashes of the abuse from boys I withstood hit and the recollection of never doing anything about it swarmed my bones. 

This time will be different. This time I am in control and this time I have people to protect. 

While the commotion continued the boy lying on me spoke, “How bout a little kiss?”

Within seconds my crow finally appeared and knocked straight into the boy’s face. Vigorously scratching and pecking at his ear and neck. The boy let out a wail as he tried to shoo my spirit away. He fell off the side of me; I kicked my leg up and struck the other boy in the jaw.

They both tumbled off me and I was free. Tori jumped off of Jonah and lunged for me. I thought I could have everything under control but I didn’t, I screamed as my fist met Tori’s chest. It landed and knocked him on his backside. The other five boys sprang from their victims and jumped towards me.

(SEE OTHER POST ABOUT EDITS FOR THIS CHAPTER)

I wasn’t swayed from my stance. I was wrestling them all back, when one by one they were thrown from my fight. I suspected it was Jonah and Aaron retaliating but the fight was breaking out too large to be just them. 

The feeling I had earlier that day began pulsating throughout my body. Ice rushing though my veins, burning my face. I couldn’t subdue it. I opened my hand in a claw and dug a strike into the stomach of the boy that was still wrestling me. I heard something crack. He coughed up blood and collapsed.

“ENOUGH!” The voice boomed from multiple people and everyone stopped what they were doing. I couldn’t take my eyes off the twitching boy. Pain. That’s all I was bringing to the world. That’s all I was good at… my intentions were good but that wasn’t enough. I was reinventing myself but what was I becoming? The boy whimpered and curled into a ball. My heart was punctured from the guilt that stabbed me.

I was about to lean down to help him when a hand stopped me. I looked up to discover Senoi and the others. His dark eyes calming me as he spoke softly, “We’ll handle this, you need to take Jonah and Aaron somewhere safe.” 

I hoarsely whispered, “I hurt him… I hurt him badly.”

“It’s going to be alright.” Senoi leaned over and brushed my brown hair out of my face, “You have to be brave.”

I nodded and recollected myself. Samel and Senson were guarding the rest of the boys who were passed out on a bench. Jonah and Aaron were standing about a yard away waving for me to get in the car.

I stepped backwards but couldn’t stop looking at Senoi, he waved his hand for me to leave, “Go on, it’s okay.”

Shuffling my feet, I did as he asked, and detached myself from the situation. We all jumped into Aaron’s car and drove straight to his house. Not a word was spoken the entire car ride. Jonah’s expression made his lips tuck in and his eyes squint. Aaron drove well over the speed limit. No one was ready to speak. 

When we pulled in to Aaron’s drive way, neither of them hesitated as they burst out of the car. Jonah had parked his truck in Aaron’s driveway and was about to leave without a word. 

As Jonah pulled the car handle I broke the silence, “Jonah,” I turned to Aaron, “Guys, just wait.” They stopped and took in a breath, “Guys, let’s talk, we can’t ignore what happened.”

In a tone I would have never matched to Jonah, he yelled, “Why? Everyone else does!”

Aaron shook his head, “Jonah…”

Jonah shook the keys under his fist, “It makes no difference if we talk about it, it’s over.”

I wanted more than anything to have Jonah’s attitude, to just keep running, but that’s how I ended up this way. I couldn’t let Jonah follow in my footsteps, no matter how scared I was. Jonah turned to leave again when I realized his arm was bleeding through his long-sleeved shirt. 

With concern I said, “Jonah! Your arm!”

Jonah looked down at his arm and frustratingly growled, “It’s nothing. I’ll be fine.”

“No, Jonah, it might get infected. We have to clean it up.” 

I reached for Jonah’s sleeve but he retracted with aggravation, “I can do it when I get home.”

I stared at him intensely, “Give me your arm, Jonah.” 

His body went limp and his eye dilated on cue. He handed me his arm and I rolled up his sleeve. As I searched for what Tori had done, I revealed a dark secret of Jonah to Aaron and myself. Several gashes arranged down his arm, self-inflicted. Aaron said something but I wasn’t paying attention.

Jonah regained consciousness and a temper I never would have painted on him boiled over his glare. I spoke, “What are you doing to yourself? What is this?”

He stood up straight, “It’s nothing! It’s never anything.” 

Twisting from my grip he opened his car door.

I yell, “You shouldn’t run from this, Jonah.”

He stopped, “Oh, what do you know? What could you possibly know?” He got in, turned on the car, and yelled through his open window as he slowly backed out, “I’m sorry, just… just don’t say anything.”

What do I know? What do I know? 

I knew more then he could even fathom. I knew the path he was paving for himself because I was waiting at the other end. I turned to Aaron, “How long has this been going on?”

Aaron muttered, “The bullying?” I nodded, “Since middle school.”

“And… the things on his arm… since?”

He walked to his porch and sat on the top step, “I don’t know… that’s all news to me.”

Aaron sat still and straight up. His fists tensely sat on his knees. I gently joined him and we didn’t speak. We didn’t speak at all for several minutes. I started to shiver, not from a chill, but from my sadness. My posture had shrunk and everything I was feeling read on my body. I hadn’t noticed but Aaron scooted closer to me.

“Noa?”

Without removing my gaze from the ground, “Yes, Aaron?”

“Are you going to be okay?”

I sighed, “I’m sure I will be.” 

Without thinking an impulse brought me to hold Aaron’s hand. I withdrew it immediately, cringing over my stupidity.

“Why’d you pull away?”

I finally took my stare off of the ground, “Because it’s not the time.” 

By a command that I wasn't aware that I was enforcing, the weeds growing in the cracks of the cement shriveled up and died before us. A small lily that grew in a patch followed the same fate. Reminding me that my only purpose left was to suck the life out of everything. 

I spoke softly, “What happens now?”

“We do what we always do,” he tucked his hand underneath mine, gently squeezed, and tiredly announced, “We carry on.”