The Untold Story of a Grim Reaper: Chapter 18: Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore'

 

After returning to the mortal world, Samel took Lilli to prep for her trial and Senson went on his own way. Senoi seemed to linger by my side as we walked to the exit of the school. 

I stopped and turned to Senoi, “You look like you have something to say.”

Senoi, “Why did you propose tonights plan?”

I shrugged, “Aren’t you tired of not getting to know anyone? Doesn’t it get lonely to just focus on work?”

“It’s… fulfilling.”

“Not very convincing.”

“There’s a reason daemons don’t really get to know each other. We’re all trying to find a way out of this purgatory. When daemons stray from their purpose too often… build relationships with other daemons… the habit becomes hard to break… things get dark… daemons get distracted… and never leave… they fade away.”

Senoi’s eyes trailed off into the darkest corner of the rotunda. But I really didn’t feel like join him on this depressing reflection, “Senoi… lighten up… its just one night. No ones going to fade away over Peter Pan.”

Senoi bounced back and cracked a smiled, “I’m just messing with you,” he stammered, “Well, what I said was true. But I’m looking forward to it.”

The humor of the dead was strange and still something I needed to get used to… because Senoi thought he was hilarious. So dry and actually serious, as when someone tells you the sad truth while laughing. 

Senoi saw me lost in thought, “I’ll see you tonight, I look forward to becoming your friend.”

He leaned in and wrapped his arms around me before I could reciprocate the gesture, my arms awkwardly stuck to my side as his biceps press tightly around me. His skin felt warm, his skin made me feel warm, his skin was like mine. 

Senoi released me and waved goodbye with a smile, I was almost too distracted with my departure with Senoi that I nearly missed Aaron heading out the doors. I wouldn’t haven’t seem him if he was locking a disappointed stare with me as he opened the double doors. 

I could sense his anger towards me in his glance but I was becoming frustrated with him this point. The expectations set upon me by people I’ve only met this week was overwhelming, he was asking a lot from a stranger. 

Nonetheless, I sprinted after Aaron who was heading towards the parking lot. I kept calling his name but I didn’t faze him. I grabbed the first things I could reach for to get Aaron’s attention. My hand snagged the zipper on his backpack and I accidentally pulled it down too far. 

Books and a wrapped box spilled across the asphalt. Aaron’s expression was on edge. He gave a frustrated groan and dropped to his knees to collect his things. I leaned forward, trying to help, “I’m sorry, Aaron, I was trying to get your attention.”

He coldly responded, “It’s okay, it’s just books.”

I shook my head and grabbed Aaron’s arm to make him pay attention, “Aaron, are you okay?”

“What do you care, you’re making new friends.”

I stuttered on my confusion, “What? Senoi?”

“Isn’t that what you’re doing, Jonah and I scared you away.”

“I’m not running from anything, Aaron, am I not allowed to make other friends?”

Rudely he jarred, “No, of course you can, it’s your life. Like whoever you want.”

I withhold a book from Aaron’s grasp to question, “Are you jealous? Of Senoi?”

He reached farther for the book in my hand and zipped up his bag. My gaze went straight to the wrapped box, “You forgot.”     I picked it up when Aaron exclaimed, “That’s not for you.”

I kept holding on to it, “I didn’t think it was.”

I didn’t say anything; I wanted my face to show him my hurt. I was upset that he was so ready to end a friendship based off an assumption. Maybe Aaron felt more for me than I recognized… and maybe I felt the same. 

His tense features relaxed and he sighed. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and sighed once more. “I mean, Noa… I’m sorry. I’m just being difficult and have barely gotten any sleep lately. I need to be alone.”

“I understand.” I stood up and looked down at the box. I handed it back to Aaron but I kept staring at the ground. 

He didn’t take it, “It is for you, Noa.” His eyes were kinder, “It’s yours. Take it as a welcome gift.”

I peeled away at the velvet wrapping paper and uncovered a book titled The Raven and other Stories. The bookmark had a silver ring hanging from the tassel.”

“I took it that you had a thing for ravens. By your tattoos and all.”

I abruptly answered, “I love it… thank you.”

He gave a weak smile, “I’m glad you,” he swallowed, “love it.” He finished zipping his backpack and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

I took the gift and tucked it under my arm, “What about Jonah?”

Aaron rubbed his eyes and readjusted his shirt, “I don’t know. The others and me will handle it. Don’t worry.”

His face reflected abandonment. I wanted to say I would be there for Jonah as well. But I didn’t want to lie anymore. It chipped away at me more than he knew, I wanted to let Jonah know I was concerned but I couldn’t.

I gave a frail response, “Okay, then I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Aaron walked away without a gesture or sound. His head was low and his physique was rigid yet stoic. All I had left was to trust that things would return to normal… whatever normal was. 

It occurred to me that this was probably for the best, there never could be anything between Aaron and I. No matter how right it may feel. As the reaper I’m not meant to feel loved, I told myself that I’m not anything more than a machine. Bent on one job that can be canceled if I don’t remind myself of the consequences.

I took my gift from under my arm and admired the binding. Untying the ring that hung from the tassel I felt an engraving along the rim, “Quoth the raven, ‘Nevermore.’” And the truth of the phrase foreshadowed the thoughts Aaron left me with. 

My spirit fluttered to my side and poked at the ground. I didn’t pick it up in fear of drawing attention to myself. It wouldn’t be normal for a person to pick up a raven that everyone thinks is diseased ridden. Just as it wouldn’t be normal for Aaron to approach this any further because I am nothing but a soul history has thought of as diseased ridden. 

The haunting thoughts were getting too much to bare so I locked them away in a box with the thoughts of my mother and grandfather, so that way I could just make it one more day. Survive one more day, time will take away the pain and since I had so much of it, I told myself I would open that box when they were all dead. 

I realized I left my backpack in my locker and turned back, I decided to take a shortcut through the art room sliding door. And to her planned serendipity, Lilli slid the glass door open, “Glad I could catch up with you.”

I sighed, “How is it that you know where I am at all time… why aren’t you preparing for your trial?”

She smirked and put her hair behind her ears, “I need to collect on my favor you owe me.”

I scrunched my forehead, “And that would be?”

Lilli bit her lip in thought, “Switch marks with me.”

“Is that… I don’t know… allowed? And how? And why?”

She rolled her head in a circle, tired of my questions, “Noa, just do as I ask, I saved your soul.”    

“You are not my savior,” The words came out of me faster than I thought of them. 

The disagreement angered Lilli, she stepped forward, aggressively closing the door behind her. Her pupils shrunk and her body stood dominantly, “Then who is? Baby Jesus?” She continued while sticking a piece of gum in her mouth, “Still holding on to the hope that God thinks of you? You’re forgotten, Noa. After you will come another reaper, and then another, and then another. You are dispensable and it makes no difference to the Creator if you’re saved or not.”

Her advice hung over me and made my knees weak. Lilli’s lips relaxed and a devious smile spread across her cheeks. I shivered from its mendacity and moved out of her way, “Trade with me, just for tonight, and your debt will be repaid.”

I held a tension in my throat as I began to agree but felt this awareness that this act would be a huge mistake, “Okay… what should -”

Lilli snapped her hands as quick and as loud as thunder when they slapped agains the side of my arm. She breathed   a quick inhale and exhale that sent my flesh into a burning frenzy, I squirmed to get out of her grip but as soon as it started, it was done. She removed her hands from my hands and my markings appeared on her palms.

“Now do the same,” she commanded. My twitching hands found her arms and I mimicked her ritual. She seemed to be in pain, just as I was, but nonetheless withstood without much flinching. My hands stung as I removed them to find her markings etched into my palms. 

She took her palms, crossed her arms into an embrace towards herself, placed them over her arms, and replaced the empty space with my markings. I imitated the same act and her markings leached onto my skin, this uncomfortable tingling settled and I felt my mistake sink in much deeper.

She left with one last remark, “Like I said, you’ll get them back tonight. Nonetheless, my marks should work just fine incase you need to reap anyone in the meantime. You’re off the hook. Thank you, little lamb.”

She dispersed into her own shadow and left to my devices. Before I walked inside, I took a moment to collect myself. I was shaking and sat down on the benches that rested near the art room. I buried my face in my hands and forced heavy breaths to extinguish the quivering in my bones. 

I checked my arms, a dagger and a vulture now sat upon them. And upon my gazing Lilli’s red eyes vulture appeared before me. I can’t say for sure but upon seeing it had me convinced that we traded more than just markings… we traded spirits.

“Noa?”

Startled out of my thoughts, Salvatore was standing at the sliding doors.

Why does everyone know where I am?

His hair was messy and his clothes were wrinkled. The charming boy I met was not there, instead replaced by desperation and weakness. He gestured for me to come to him but I hesitated. He kept waving his hand for me to follow but I shook my head no. Salvatore pressed his lips and under his teeth pleaded with me. The misery orbiting in his stare began to be too much.

I tiptoed from the bench and followed him a couple feet into the art room. He stammered trying to collect his question for me. I stood, playing with wet paint between my pointer finger and thumb, impatiently waiting. His loss of words were becoming a burden on my patience and I finally asked what he wanted. 

Turning around he exposed his cheeks were red, looked like from being scratched. My expression shows my alarm, which only scared him from speaking.

I was growing irritable, “Salvatore, what do you want?” 

I didn’t mean to sound as rude as the words came out but he was on Lilli’s side. Anxiety stained my manners because I feared it had something else to do with her.

Finally, the truth that was hanging from his lips became clear, “I can’t find my spirit. Have you seen Lilli?”

I didn’t expect for his voice to be so vulnerable, “Yes but-”

“Do you know where she might be?”

“No, I don’t. Maybe getting prepped for her trial? Is everything okay?”

He ran his hand through his hair, messing it up even more. Shaking is head no, “I don’t think so, Lilli’s been avoiding me and I have no one to talk to.”

I tried to make it seem I was concerned, “Why do you think she’s been avoiding you?”

His hands shook, “I don’t know!”

I was growing annoyed of why he was coming to me, “Look, I’m sorry, Salvatore. But what do you expect me to do about any of this?”

He sneered and gestured as if telling me never mind. He growled with frustration, knocking a painting from its hook on the art wall. I shook his tantrum from my conscience and told myself to let it be. I was still cautious of Lilli and couldn’t tell if Salvatore was pulling my leg. I had to worry about my own spirit and it’s not like he had the power of a reaper. It’s not like losing his spirit makes that much of a difference. 

How heartless of me. I just deemed his spirit less than mine. I was losing all the little things that made me human to play the part of the reaper. But why? To make myself tougher? So that I could have thicker skin for my probable hundred years to come as the reaper?

A cloud passed and the sun bloomed into the wall of windows in the art room. Illuminating everything in sight. All the paintings and sculpting’s looked new and alive. I hadn’t appreciated the season and how proud it should be. Not a threatening cloud could be detected and the sun didn’t have a harsh ray for a single soul to complain about. The tree created a poetry of shadows with branches and leaves into the art room.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to enjoy the weather on my swing porch. I wanted to ignore my mother once more, so that she’d be forced to come get me… always holding a second glass of lemonade. I wanted to go back to dealing with the small things and blowing them out of proportion. 

Everything now wasn’t small; it was life or death now. Heaven or Hell. I couldn’t blow things out of proportion because things now were simply too overwhelming for that luxury.

The tree in front of the art windows burst into flame, pulling me out of my daydreaming. I ran outside to uncover why, Lilli’s vulture stood barking… almost laughing, as the tree crumbled and twisted in pain.

 I had to reap my second soul alone.