The Untold Story of a Grim Reaper: Chapter 28: Forgive Me

Eight people died in the school fire, two teachers, six students. Kurt and Jessie being among the number. Eight stolen souls. Whether I brought this upon them or not, I would would finally set things right as I risk damnation for them.

Eliakim, the Gelof Triplets, Lillian… they were right about one thing… I did not understand how the afterworld worked. I did not think like the dead think, I still thought much like the living do. But slowly, I picked up on a few things. Understanding that I’m never going to understand anything about the Creator and why everything has to be done the hard way. All I could gather from the annoying mystery that is God, is that the Creator could easily wipe out all the wrongs in this world. Yet, God does not, but I will take it that the Creator is simply waiting. Waiting for someone to rely on themselves to make an end to all that is wrong with the world, waiting for someone to make a stand. To allow me to choose.

I need to find Salvatore because I need him to find Jonah, I needed to hurry for I did not know how time I had left.

But so I wouldn’t have anything left on my conscience, I had to pay one last visit to Ethel and Julius. When I walked in, I made smalltalk. I let Ethel go on about her children coming down to check on her and that she couldn’t wait for me to meet them.

Although Julius was awfully sad outside of Ethel’s room, he was cracking jokes and stories when next to her. Trying to keep her spirits up. Ethel was everything to Julius, just as Julius was everything to Ethel. I felt better leaving them knowing they had each other.

Amidst their conversation, Ethel looked at me and saw my blank stare, “Everything is going to be alright, Noa. We’re here. We’re together.”

My eyes burned again from the tears I was not allowed to cry, I mumbled barely moving my face, “And as long as we’re together. We’ll be safe.”

Ethel nodded, “And we’ll be happy.”

She sat up all the way, I approached to help her but she waved it off, “Please, go help yourself. You look starving. Go get yourself some breakfast.”

I knew once I left I could never come back. I wanted to make them forget me.

“Noa?” 

I caught myself drifting off and gave my attention back to her. I stammered for my last words for her to be, “Thank you for having me in your family. ”

She looked at me concerned, “You’re not going to run off again, aren’t you?”

I smirked, “Not for too long… but don’t come looking for me.”

Julius walked in with breakfast for Ethel. Ethel nearly shouted to Julius, “Noa is going to try to leave again,” She sat up farther, her words far more upsetting, “You can’t put us through that again.”

Julius added even more upset, “Noa, you can’t scare us again like that.”

I met Ethel’s eyes and watched her grow limp, then Julius and his body did the same. And I spoke with assurance, “You two have taught me strength in vulnerability,” I spoke with no shadow of doubt,” You have taught me how to be brave for myself and how to be brave for others.” I spoke with certainty, “And I’m a little more at peace with myself because of you both.” I spoke with conviction, “Now it’s time for me to return that peace. Forget me.”

If God truly had any mercy, if a Lord truly existed, then the Creatore should allow them to move on with their lives. I stayed to witness their posture return to their muscles and I wanted to watch them not recognize me. No matter how much it hurt, I didn’t matter, because their love existed once, so it exists forevermore. 

They shook their heads and looked at each other startled, Julius asked Ethel, “Are you alright, dear?”

Ethel held her head, “A small headache is all.”

I waited for them to acknowledge me. Julius did first, “Can we help you?”

I gave a large, soulful sigh, “You already have, more than you’ll ever know.”

I left them to their confused thoughts and bandages, now ready to venture into Hell.

Shuffling down the hall, the two officers from the night before were replaced with just one, standing guard at room 132. I could still hear cries on the other side of the door. 

I turned to the officer, “Who’s in that room?”

The officer didn’t make eye contact with me, “None of your concern, mam.” I reached for the doorknob, he stepped in front of me, glaring, “None of your concern, mam.”

I had his attention, like I wanted, and commanded, “Step aside.”

He did as I said, I opened the door to find, strapped to the bed, Tori. Fussing and kicking against the restraints that held him against the bed. I shuffled closer to him, clearly seeing the burn marks across his hands, arm, and neck between the bandages.

Tori was sweating profusely, his chest spasmed from yells and coughs. He was suffering, he was in so much pain. I could tell it was from more than just the physical burns, but also from the bites Lilli had taken out of his soul.

“Better run!” I jumped back, startled by his abrupt ability to make complete sentences, he repeated himself sinisterly, “Better run! Better! Better! Better run! Run!”

I stepped closer, asking sternly, “Run from what, Tori?”

Everything I wanted to have happen to him, when he bullied Jonah, Aaron, and I, was coming true. He was a part of the very root of Jonah’s suicidal tendencies, so to watch him suffer felt… redeeming. 

“I didn’t do it!” Tori began coughing blood as his body started to tantrum. I jumped forward and placed a hand over his heart, the other over his head, trying to hold him still. He kept convulsing. 

As soon as my skin met his I felt Lilli’s presence, I felt the hell he was living in.

As satisfying as it was to see him suffer, I tried to help him, “Tori! It’s okay. You’re going to be all right. Fight it!” He bared his teeth at me, biting the air and hissing. 

Another sick moment in me thought he deserved this. The intrusive thoughts of taking pleasure in this were hard to ignore. How gratifying it was to watch him suffer, to see everything he deserved injected into him. 

I should have been smiling, I should have nodded and said to him, “I told you, you would get what you deserve.”

I just couldn’t. My mind thought of every reason why this should make me happy but my heart ached under every reason I pushed at it. My heart rejected the happiness I thought was justifiable. 

I believed that I hated Tori but the sympathy that soaked my heart convinced me otherwise. The fact that I felt such a sadness for Tori, made me angry yet relieved with myself. I was angry that I was not enjoying the suffering of a bully yet I was relieved that I hadn’t sunk to such a low yet. There still was something the separated Lilli and I.

I did the only thing I could think of, I wrapped one hand over each ear. I watched the color from his skin de-saturate. His eyes becoming hollow of spirit. He finally calmed down. His body suspended in time. Making the same stare Kurt had made once before, I had taken his spirit. My marks stung on my arms. My calf burned.

This foreign spirit in my body… I liked it. I attempted to return his spirit to him but Lilli’s venom tainted this spirit and now it was in me. And I loved it. I felt so strong, so dangerous.  

Like a puppet on a string, I was being manipulated by Lilli’s morality. I more so understood how terrible of an existence this was.

The spirit that intruded my soul wanted me to hate. It wanted me to love and hate every bit of it and some how I found a sick pleasure in doing so. 

I stood straight with my eyes shut, focusing deeply in the root of these monsters that relished in this. And from the barks of my demons echoed a piece of peace, a vision of light… a vision of pure nothingness.

I reached for Tori, every inch of me pulled back, but I fought it. This spirit wanted me to remain its host for I was a more accommodating vessel for its purpose. I reached my shaking hands to Tori’s head, ignoring the low whispers that told me not to. I wanted to see the image echo again in my mind, looking deep beneath the surface of hated… resonated… resonated this smell. The smell brought me to memories that didn’t seem like mine, they were like the things an infant would feel.

A spirit is energy, I reminded myself that energy cannot be destroyed but it can be reconditioned. I used all of my ability to try to turn this spirit to something pure.

Dozens of crows sat across the window on a tall tree. Staring at me, I heard their call whisper advice into my spirit. Stiffly, I reached one hands into my pockets, pulling out two black feathers that had shed from my spirit.

Tucked between my fingers, I again reached for Tori’s head. A loud ringing hit my eardrums. I was completely deaf. I couldn’t hear anything but what sounded like a train whistle. Hands twitching, I finally wrapped my hands around his ears. The black feathers from my spirit were clutched between my hands and his head.

The ringing in my ear became louder. I sucked in the largest breath I could take. The riot in my body was at its worst. Holding me back from exhaling. This spirit didn’t want to leave. And the only way I could return his spirit was by screaming the exhale.

Lights burst, windows cracked, blood dripped from Tori’s lip. And, at last, it was done. I could no longer hear anything though, but I saw Tori’s lips moving. 

It looked like he was repeating the words, “Forgive me, forgive me.” He leaned forward and carefully mouthed, “Forgive me, for I had not known what I had done.”