The Untold Story of a Grim Reaper: Chapter 30: Worth

Tearing at every muscle in me to go faster, my anxiety and adrenaline were at their maximum, shooting in me an aching pain that I might be too late.  

Selfishness poisoned my thoughts as I sped, that I maybe was doing this so I could seek vengeance on Lilli, rather than to save my friends life.

Why is it so hard to prevent these outcomes when the call for action is asked for by obvious signs of suffering? That’s all the child ever wants, to be heard… and when the example of how to be heard is written in blood, sometimes they are more than willing to make that sacrifice. Everyone listens to the dead but before that happens, the blind eye gets the best of us when we can tell ourselves they’re being dramatic, that it’s just a phase, or that kids will be kids. 

We punish, destroy, and ignore what makes us uncomfortable. So the child gives up and we’re left to pick up the pieces. Asking ourselves why we didn’t see it coming. That is why our children are giving up, because we’ve taught them that’s when we’ll pay attention. When the consequences are impossible to ignore.

We need to sacrifice our peace of mind to save those who never had one. We need to humble our reputation to defend those who were never given one.

I wanted to let Jonah know I was paying attention. That I would no longer be silent and no longer let the fear of damnation hold me back from making sure he’d never witness it. Jonah laid his life down for mine and it was time for me to pay my debt. 

I was approaching closer, at this point flying was utter agony. My body felt as if my skin was melting off yet freezing all at once. My eyes felt like they were being pressed farther into my head. My fingernails pulled off one at a time. My muscles cramped, making my movement absolutely rigid. My decision to cancel my sentence by saving Jonah was clear to God, Ardith, and the Cardinals now.

Flying became increasingly difficult, I twisted my head to find that they were turning to stone, slowly breaking off. 

I was losing height from my lack of power in my feathers, I kicked to fly faster despite my chipping handicaps. The sun was the size of a thumbnail. 

Over the horizon, I spotted Aaron’s tree house between the trees. My wings were nothing but stone now. Screaming, I swan dived straight towards the window. My wings crumbled apart slowly but a blessing written in wind made it possible to get in arms distance of the window ceil. 

The pain of my wings decaying made my raven react, squirming and coughing as if it were choking. My muscles crunched and burned but I forced myself to pull myself up and through the window. 

I called out of Jonah, the sun was setting and I was running out of time, I begged for him to respond to me. Every breath of his name stung my throat. I limped to each room in search of him, the wood of the floor loudly clumping to my heavy movements.

Passed out on the bathroom floor, Jonah had swallowed a bottle of pills. My head began spinning, a force trying to stop me from saving him. I pulled him by his shirt to sit him upright, I took him into my arm, using my other hand to open his mouth and trying to make him throw up. 

As he gagged in reaction, I leaned him against the corner to make sure he’d stay upright. He threw up once again and his eye fluttered open.

My vision started fading, my consciousness was vanishing, I stumbled backward into the entrance hall. Finally falling on my backside, the ground met my back with an explosion of pain that ended it all for me. I knew it was impossible, but I felt like I was bleeding, I felt like I was dying again.

Soon, I couldn’t feel anything any longer, within seconds the pain bled out. I was numb. I heard a slight cry from the bathroom. His sobs were all that I could depict from my fading world.

The ground beneath me felt alive. The wood shifted underneath me, the floor separated and I was only left with the hushing of tiny soft pearls dancing around my backside. The sand was all too familiar to me as I accepted my consequence. Sinking into the ground, I took full responsibility for caring when I was specifically told not to. 

If Heaven is full of those who don’t see the worth in that, then I didn’t want to go anyhow.