The Untold Story of a Grim Reaper: Chapter 3.2: Alive Together. Dead Alone.

 

I had no time to continue debating this in my head when Jonah popped out of a classroom. 

“Oh, good, you’ve met Aaron. We’re already becoming a welcoming club.”

I smiled at this remark but after what happened today I found it hard to find humor in anything. I saw all the smirks and glares thrown at Jonah and Aaron as we made our way to lunch. But none of them dared to try anything after they heard what I had done. 

I was using every ounce of fiber in my body to resist spilling out all of my strength on those who might hurt Jonah or Aaron. I could easily pick out the ones that might hurt them; they couldn’t hide from me. 

I could read the history of every eye that fixed to mine, as if it was engraved all over them. 

I felt this urge to protect Jonah and Aaron, I read them as I read myself, which only meant to me that I had to keep them from the fate I fell into. 

We arrived at the cafeteria and the characters of this school became clear. 

Just like my old school, this one was nothing but a circus. A carnival of qualities caged off to each table. Only separated by what we say makes us different from one another. Many bearded ladies, merman, and contortionists but the ring masters sat in the center. They were clearly outnumbered but that didn’t stop people like me from hiding behind their tents. Cowering at the crack of their wit and the mirage of their make up. 

And I was just a new exhibit to this side show of imperfections and ridicule. Having to retrain myself to jump through hoops and flames just to avoid getting burned by the ring masters idea of beauty. Everyone puts on a good show but behind the curtain we’re all tying ourselves a noose. 

We picked our corner of the circus tent and I watched as Jonah brought out his lunch from a plastic bag. He was very organized with how he brought it out and pleased with what he had to eat, all health foods I might add. 

He laughed at himself, “I’m OCD about preparing my lunch.” 

Aaron had left to get a lunch from the line. Jonah looked at me as he opened his bag of carrots, “Where is your lunch, Noa?”

I paused… 

I’m not hungry… and nor will I ever be hungry again.

“Um… I have a severe food allergy… I can only eat when my parents are with me to supervise.”  

“Severe food allergy? Wow, I’m sorry. You don’t mind us eating around you do you? We could go to the library or-“

“That’s kind of you, Jonah, but I’m fine. Honestly.”

He gave a soft smile, “Alright, as long as you’re comfortable.”

As we sat quietly I noticed how sweet Jonah’s face actually was. Looking past the troubled energy surrounding him, I noticed his high cheekbones and strong chin. His eyes, the color of weak tea, matched his almond colored skin and black hair. Jonah was dressed sharply, very clean cut. 

I couldn’t help notice Jonah’s eyes were fixated on something. 

Triplets?

Three six feet tall, dark-skinned men made their way to an empty table. I say men because these boys looked anything but high school students. They carried heavy stares and a brutish energy. Yet, I didn’t believe they would hurt a soul.

“Who are they, Jonah?”

Jonah kept staring, “They’re Senoi, Samel, and Senson. The Gelof triplets.”

“Hm, Identical triplets.”

“They don’t really talk to anyone, they mostly keep to themselves. Sweet boys though when they do finally say something.”

“Why are you staring at them?”

Jonah looked at me like I exposed him, “I wasn’t staring.”

I retracted, “Right, sorry, wrong assumption.”

Jonah smiled at me and stuck out his tongue a bit, “Okay, maybe I was staring a bit… but not at them.”

“Then who?”

“Lilli Thaddae. Satan herself. And her demon boyfriend, Salvatore.”

I turned as slyly as I could to find what Jonah was talking about. I saw the girl from earlier, Lilli, pouring salt into Aaron’s drink while he was picking his sauces. 

Jonah said, “You know she’s Aaron’s sister.”

I spun around, “They look nothing alike.”

Jonah hummed a smirk and shrugged, “Genetics. What can ya do?”

With Aaron’s green eyes, Italian skin, and brown hair competing with Lilli’s blue eyes, pale skin, and blonde hair, I was more than ready to call bullshit on the whole thing. 

Aaron picked up his tray and gave a small wave to his sister. He sat next to Jonah and stared at his drink, “Lilli put something in it. Didn’t she?”

Jonah nodded. Aaron rolled his eyes and got up to dump his drink, Jonah looked at me and nudged me with his foot. “Aaron and you should get to know each other?”

I scrunched my eyebrows, “Sure… wait, what’d you mean?”

“I think I was a matchmaker in a past life.”

Before I could respond Aaron came back with a bottle of water. Aaron sighed, “Did Jonah tell you Lilli is my sister?”

“Yeah, you two look nothing alike.”

Aaron picked up his fork to dig into his meal as he shook his head, “We know, strange though, us being twins and all.”

“Twins?” 

Yah, either genetics took a turn for the weirdest or somebodies mother was lying.

“Fraternal, obviously.”

“Twins. Triplets. Is that a popular thing in this school?”

Jonah shrugged, “If you’re talking about the Gelof triplets, then that’s all.”

There was an awkward silence among us. Jonah was still smiling a bit as he looked back and forth between Aaron and me. 

“So, Noa,” started Jonah, “Tell us about yourself.”

I didn’t look up at either of them, I kept forgetting to think of cover story’s, “Um… I… I’m here as a punishment.” 

Jonah and Aaron’s eyes widened. 

I’m such a people person. 

I gave a pathetic joking laugh, “Kidding,” They gave a relieved chuckle, “Could you ask a more specific question?”

“Where you from?”

I decided I’d try to tell the truth as much as I could, “I’m from Savannah, Georgia.”

“Why did you move from Savannah to Atlanta?”

“I’m an orphan. My adopted parents are from around here.”

    “Adopted?”

“Yeah,” the gears in my head were building up a lie, but I didn’t want to go into much detail. That way if it comes up again I don’t have to remember what I lied about. 

I just said my mother went to prison and when I was born she was unfit to care for me so I was placed in an adoption home. 

We sat for the remainder of lunch exchanging small conversation about teachers and class schedule. 

Aaron waved at two girls who took that as an invitation to sit with us. 

Their names were Camilla Hallow and Jessie White. They seemed like decent people, they cracked a lot of jokes. I read Camilla and Jessie as precisely as I could to measure my ability. 

Camilla only made true eye contact with me once, but it was enough. She was the kind of friend who would promise you the world. Who would make you feel so wanted and worth something. The kind of friend who would make plans with you for the summer but sure enough would forget your last name before the end of the semester. She was fleeting. The kind of friend everyone wanted to have but didn’t want to keep. So high maintenance. The kind of person you never really knew but you told yourself you did. I could tell her and Jessie grew up together, but anyone outside of Jessie were merely chapters.

Jessie was a little more genuine but pretentious nonetheless. She was the kind of person that made sure you knew she was an individual. A self-proclaimed “free spirit.” A big flirt as well, I could tell she liked Aaron. She’d tap her finger on the table before stirring up the courage to start a conversation with him. She liked using pet names a lot. Each time they were different: slugger, buddy boy, chica, kiddo. And if you were her enemy, using passive aggressive backhanded compliments were her ammo.

I tried not to judge, but it was difficult when their flaws were spoken confessions in my mind. They spoke of the world as if they had all the answers. Things that were so complicated they put into a little box and added euphemisms to make themselves seem philosophical. 

Jonah finished his lunch rather quickly and arranged it all back in plastic bag. He fixed his shirt as he asked, “I have to go talk to the band teacher about conducting for the game. How do I look?”

Camilla joked, “Like Aladdin.”

Everyone gave a small laugh but Jonah laughed the most, “I’m only half Aladdin!” 

He picked up his bag and stood, he placed Camilla’s closed bottled on its side and messily rearranged the food in front of her. 

She laughed and pushed him, “Just go do your band thing!”

He snickered, “Wish me luck!”

Camilla barked, “Absolutely not!”

He rolled his eyes and smiled. Touching my shoulder, “Go back to 3^rd period after lunch. I’ll be there.”

I gave a hum of affirmation and Jonah left.

I spent the remainder of lunch distracting myself with the hallow chatting of people who did not know the world beyond their bubble. And as much as I enjoyed being distracted from the harshness of my situation, my conscience just kept itching the constant reminder that I was dead.

I’m dead.” I’m dead. I am dead. I’m dead. I AM DEAD. I. Am. Dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. Everyone at this table is alive and I am dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. I’m dead. 

And everyone will continue believing everyone is what they appear to be… instead of what we make ourselves out to be.

I began asking myself the bigger question during lunch as everyone conversed with each other over things the dead have no concern for. 

How will I find peace? 

Obviously it’s more than acknowledging I should not have killed myself, it’s more than accepting I’m dead. 

I felt robbed of my own destiny… but I suppose I was the thief. 

It’s said that we live together but die alone. Being dead, I couldn’t find my place within that philosophy.

I sat with the living, being more social than I had been in years. Yet, the loneliness that cradled my heart continued to rock me to my nightmares. I killed myself to escape such permanence, and being alive I might have enjoyed their company enough to have waited on my suicidal plans. 

If there’s one thing I did know, thanks to the reapers rule, it was that I robbed myself from ever being loved again.