Full Zeed Ahead

"I don't advise you to go travelling too far back into the past, Mrs Mitchener", said Mr McCrumb, an aging Time Pilot, turning some holographic dials on the control panel of his time machine.
"I'm not a child, Mr McCrumb", said his young female passenger, seeming outraged, "I can take care of myself".
"But, with all due respect, ancient history is no place for a woman, maam", he said, "You have to understand that before a certain point in history a female time traveller is entering a world where the locals will look at her and see a slave; she will have no rights and no freedom and unless she intends altering the course of history by brandishing a machine gun in the ancient world, all her modern technology isn't going to help her".
"So what you're saying is that only men are allowed to travel to ancient history", she said, rolling her eyes.
"Well let me put it this way", he said, "If I were jewish I wouldn't choose to travel to Nazi Germany, would you?".
But then Mr McCrumb looked at the control panel and shook his head, seeming unhappy.
"The Zeeds too high", he said, "We have to slow up".
"Zeed?", she asked, "What is that?".
"The speed of temporal movement, maam", he said, "You know? How fast an object travels through time and at the moment we're travelling at a Zeed of 6 centuries per minute. If we're not careful we're liable to end up crashing through the cretaceous period and I don't look forwards to encountering the meteor that wiped out the Dinosaurs".
"But I have to reach the Ice Age, Mr McCrumb", said Mrs Mitchener, "Its of vital international and intertemporal importance".
"Oh", he said, waving his hand over a holographic lever that, sensing his hand movement, moved downwards, "Do you work for the government, Maam? Is that why you want to visit Siberia?".
Mrs Michener looked out of the portal at the time machine at the strange strobing effect of light moving backwards.
"I assume you've heard something about the Time War between the North Atlantic Coalition and the Sinosoviet block", she said.
"Only what I read in Tomorrows papers, Maam", he said, "The Chinese and the Americans trying to strategically alter history to give themselves a military advantage in the future. It all seems a bit crazy to me, treating Time like some kind of chessboard, and it'll probably end with us all being sucked into a big time warp".
"You don't believe in what the government is doing, Mr McCrumb?", asked Mrs Michener, "I expected you to be a patriot".
"Well when you've seen as much of Time as I have, Maam", he said, flashing a glance back at her over his shoulder, "You get to realise that its just the same old story being played out over and over. Someone rising to power on the backs of the poor and them getting nothing out of it. Thats why I prefer to be in here, riding the timeline instead".
"Well, anyway. We've found a serious weakness in our line of defence", she said, "The Bering straight migration of chinese peoples into North America when there was still a land bridge connecting Asia to the American continent. My department thinks that the Chinese are using it to plant century bombs like the one that went off under Peterson airforce base last July. At first we didn't know what it was but now we think it was an explosive device planted in the ice age and set to detonate in the 25th century".
"I remember hearing about that", said Mr McCrumb, "It was really sad what happened to those soldiers".
Mrs Michener smiled,
"Well don't worry", she said, "We have something planned for the Chinese that will make their low yield nuclear device look like a cherry bomb".
But then looking at the large rucksack that Mrs Michener was carrying on her back, the expression on Mr McCrumbs face changed to one of concern.
"Wait a minute. You're not carrying one of those things on board my machine are you?", he asked.
"Perhaps", said Mrs Michener, casually, "Why? Are you worried that it will go off?".
"No I'm more concerned about having the lives of a hundred thousand chinese people on my conscience", he said.
"Surely you don't care about them after what they did to us?", she asked.
"Don't give me that Them and Us crap", he said angilly, "The attrocities of war are not committed by whole nations or by civilians. They're committed by governments and civilians just end up paying the price for them".
"War is a necessary evil, Mr McCrumb", she said, coldly, "If we don't attack them they'll only attack us. Would you rather have a hundred thousand American civillians on your conscience?".
"I'd rather that you put all the money and ingenuity you people put into finding ways of killing each other in to finding a way of making peace instead", he said, "If people can travel through space and time why is it their hearts still can't make that short leap towards behaving like human beings to one and other".
But then Mrs Mitchener saw Mr McCrum wave his hand across a sensor that caused his Time Machine to grind to a halt.
"What are you doing?", she said, looking out through the portal and realizing that the Time Machine had stopped moving.
"I'm withdrawing my services", said Mr McCrumb, folding his arms, "If you want me to take you back to the 25th Century then I'd be happy to oblige but if you still intend on going to the ice age then I hope you know how to operate a time machine. One tip. If you don't move the machine sideways in space you end up crashing into your own time machine coming back the other way".
Mrs Michener opened a pocket on the front of her arctic weather jacket and pulled out a small cylindrical metal device pointing it towards towards Mr McCrumb.
"Do you know what this is, Mr McCrumb?", she asked, "Its a bullet teleporter. It doesn't pierce the outer body like a gun does. It teleports bullets into the soft, vital inner organs and right now I'm pointing it at your stomach. So if you don't take me where I want to go then neither of us will be going back home".
Mr McCrumb looked down at his stomach and saw the red dot of a laser sight upon it.
But then something else caught his attention, outside the portal, a group of ancient Chuktoka tribesmen, the native inhabitance of the Siberian Chuckchi peninsula, were peering in.
McCrumb slammed down a fist upon the door release button on his control panel and the door of the time machine automatically slid open.
"Come in gentlemen", he said, smiling and waving a friendly beckoning hand towards them , "Have a look around. Invite your reindeer. The more the merrier".
Startled by the ancient Siberian Eskimos who were now pushing their way into the cabin, Mrs Michener turned her weapon towards them; not for a long time but long enough for McCrumb to launch himself upon her and grab hold of her wrist, slamming the knuckles of the hand holding the weapon against the cabin wall and make it fall from her grip.
"You can't get away with this", she shouted as she wrestled with him, "Once my department finds out that I didn't carry out my mission, they'll investigate. You'll spend your life in jail".
But then, seeing the Chuktoka men backing fearfully away from the entrance and turning her in its direction, with a sharp thrust of both his arms, he pushed her and her rucksack out of the door, seeing her fall backwards and land on snow and ice.
"They may come looking for me", he said to her, engaging the door closing mechanism and seeing it slide shut between him and the Siberian tundra, "But Time is a big place to hide in".
But then he turned round and, waving his hand across a sensor on the control panel, started up the Time Machines ignition, hearing its warp engines start to thrum.
"State your desired geographical and temporal location", said the voice of the machines onboard computer.
"Anatolia", he said using his hand to move a holographic accelaration lever forwards, "1400 BC. Full zeed ahead".