The Guest List

“What an odd lot of guests to invite to a tea party”, said Susan’s mum, looking at the sheet of paper that her daughter had just handed her, with the names of all the people who she wanted to invite to the tea party in her wendy house written in green felt tip pen, “Doctor Foster who went to Gloucester; Old King Cole, who was a merry old soul; Mary, mary quite contrary; Jack be nimble; the old woman who lived in a shoe and the grand old Duke of York”.

“Yes, mother”, said Susan, setting out her toy plastic teacups around a picnic blanket that was laid out inside her wendy house, “All my favourite nursery rhyme characters. Only, I’m not sure if I’ll have enough teacups for all of them. Not if the old woman who lives in a shoe brings all her children and the grand old Duke of York, his ten thousand men”.

Suddenly, Susan’s father poked his head out of the back doorway of Susan’s house and called to his wife, “Margaret!”, he shouted, “Is Susan alright? She’s not ill is she?”

Susan’s mother looked at Susan and then back at her husband, “No”, she said, “I don’t think so. Why?”.

“Because there is some fellow at the front door who says he’s a doctor. He says that he’s here to see Susan. Doctor Foster, I think he said his name was. From Gloucester”, said Susan’s dad.

“I’m actually from Ipswich”, said the young man in a white coat with a stethoscope around his neck, “I only went to Gloucester and now I’m here because I received your daughters charming letter of invitation” and then he showed Susan’s mother an invitation, written in green felt tip, to “Susan’s Glorious Garden Teaparty. 12 Greatchurch street, London”.

“Oh, Doctor Foster”, said Susan, emerging from the door of her wendy house and speaking in a very genteel fashion, like the perfect teaparty hostess “How good of you to come. I do hope you had a pleasant journey. Please do take a seat within my wendy house, won’t you?”

It was a bit awkward because Doctor Foster was a little too tall to fit through the door of Susan’s wendy house but, after getting down on his hands and knees, he found that he was able to crawl inside and then, to the amazement of Susan’s mother, Susan proceeded to pour real tea from her toy teapot into Doctor Foster’s cup.

Suddenly, however, Susan’s father came running into the back garden excitedly.

“You’ll never guess who’s at the door Margaret”, he said, beaming, “Only royalty”.

“Royalty?”, asked Susan’s mother, quite flabbergasted.

“Yes”, said Susan’s father, “Old king Cole and he certainly is a merry old soul”.

Then Susan’s mother saw a man entering the back garden wearing a golden crown upon his head and royal red, ermine trimmed robes and he had a long white beard and a big round, jolly face.

“Ho! Ho! Ho!”, he chuckled, “And look, I’ve brought my pipe and my bowl and my fiddlers three”.

Then, following behind the king, Susan’s mum and dad saw the kings servants arrive. One carried a large silver pipe;
another carried a large golden bowl and, behind them, three skipped merrily along as they played their fiddles.

“Your majesty”, said Susan emerging from her wendy house and bowing and curtseying before Old King Cole. “How honoured I am that you could attend my humble little teaparty. Do, please, take a seat inside my wendy house, your majesty”.

It was awkward for old king cole to fit through the flap like door of Susan’s wendy house because he was not only very merry but also quite fat and yet, with a little bit of pushing and shoving from Susan, her parents, the pipe carrier, the bowl carrier and the fiddlers three, old king cole managed to squeeze in through the tiny door and then Susan poured out a cup of sweet hot tea for him from her toy teapot.

“Ahh!”, sighed old king cole, supping on his cuppa, “Truly tea fit for a king!”.

“Toodle-oo..err..I mean, hello there”, cried a young woman in a long elegant ball gown but with gardening gloves on her hands and rubber
wellington boots on her feet, entering the garden.

“You must be Mary, mary quite contrary”, said Susan’s mother.

“No, dear”, said the woman.

“No?”, asked Susan’s mother, confused, “Well you can’t be Jack be nimble”.

“Yes, dear”, she said, “I mean, no dear. Oh dear! I’m sorry. You see, I’m quite contrary and thus, I have an awful habit of saying the exact opposite to what I really mean”, said the woman.

“Mary Mary”, said Susan, again emerging from her wendy house, “What a pleasure it is to see you and how glad I am that you could come”.

“Oh, on the contrary, dear lady”, said Mary Mary, “The pleasure is entirely mine” and then, glancing round about Susan’s back garden, she added, “By the way. I must say that I simply adore your garden. Ofcourse, it could do with a few silver bells and cockleshells and some pretty maids all in a row”.

Then Mary Mary entered Susans wendy house which, by now was getting terribly crowded but, thanks to the gallant Doctor Foster, who gave up his seat for Mary Mary, she was able to sit down and have a cup of refreshing herbal tea
poured from Susan’s amazing toy teapot.

Suddenly, there was a rush of wind and a loud swooshing sound and Jack B Nimble appeared in a flash, right infront of Susan’s wendy house.

“Jack B Nimble”, said a boy, dressed in the outfit of a track athlete with tiny wings upon the heels of his trainers, “Nimble
By name and nimble by nature”.

Again, Susan emerged from out of her wendy house. “Hi, Jack”, said Susan, “I’m really glad you could find time in your busy schedule to come to my party”.

“Just instant tea for me, please Suzy”, said Jack, briefly glancing at his digital wrist watch, “Haven’t time for ordinary tea,
I’m afraid”.

Then the flap like door of Susan’s wendy house fluttered back and forth as if blown by a strong gust of wind and Jack was inside, drinking his instant tea whilst jogging round the other guests because he preferred to drink his tea on the move.

Susan’s parents didn’t know what to make of it all. Both were starting to think that it was all just a dream that they would soon wake up from and just stood in stunned silence but then they heard a loud beep-beeping from behind them and had to move aside to make way as a giant shoe on wheels rolled into their driveway.

“You must be the old woman who lives in a shoe”, said Susan’s mother.

“I did live in a shoe”, replied an old woman, popping out from inside the strange looking vehicle, “Then I swapped it for a roller skate and now I live in a mobile home”.

From out of the top of the giant roller boot poured literally dozens of children, using the boots long, rope like laces to slide or climb or absail down the side of the boot then, just as before, Susan came out of her wendy house to greet the new arrivals.

“My! What lovely children you have and so many”, said Susan to the old woman and her rowdy rabble of kids, “I’m so glad that you were all able to come”.

Then the old woman got all her noisy, unruly children into a line and they all filed into Susan’s wendy house, one by one.

But, unfortunately, by now there were just too many people inside Susan’s wendy house; more people than the little play
house could ever hold and, to Susan’s dismay, all of a sudden her lovely wendy house burst apart, the walls falling down and the roof caving in.

Thankfully, no one inside the little house was hurt by its collapse but Susan was in tears.

“Oh no”, she sobbed, “My lovely wendy house! My lovely teaparty! They’re ruined. What will I do?”.

But, just then, in the distance she heard the sound of ten thousand marching feet and pipes and drums approaching.

“Worry not,dear lady”, said the Grand Old Duke Of York,riding into Susan’s garden on a grey mare, at the head of ten thousand marching soldiers in bright scarlet uniforms, “For here come all the dukes horses and all the dukes men and they SHALL put your broken wendy house back together again!”.

And then the men of the Duke of York did just as he had promised, repairing Susan’s wendy house so that it was as good as new; even building an extension and a wendy stable for their horses and then, by some magical, miraculous power not really understood by Susan’s parents, Susan somehow poured out ten thousand tiny toy cups of tea so that all of the Grand Old Duke’s men could have a cup.

And, last of all, Susan poured two more little cups; one for her mother and one for her father, “Come and join my tea party,
Mum and Dad”, she said to them, smiling, “It looks like it’s going to be a lot of fun!”.