The Infinite Man versus The Army of Me

Into the foyer of the First National Bank burst a brunette female bank robber in a tweed suit holding an Uzi submachine gun above her bobbed head and she was followed only a few seconds later by what looked like her twin sister in the same tweed suit holding the same Uzi and then two more female bank robbers entered, both completely identical to the two who had entered before.

 

“Alright. Everyone on the floor now”, barked the first woman, firing her gun in the air and spraying a trail of bullet holes across the ceiling.

 

Without thinking, everyone in the bank dropped to the floor.

 

“Just do as your told”, said the second of the identical women more calmly, turning in a circle and waving her gun back and forth as she looked at all the bank customers lying down.

 

“And no one will get hurt”, added a third.

 

Then one of the women fired at the glass screen that was between the banktellers and the foyer, sweeping her gun back and forth until the bullet proof glass gave way and started to shatter into thousands of tinkling pieces.

 

Then another of the four women, just like a trained gymnast leapt up into the air and somersaulted  over the counter before grabbing hold of one of the terrified bank clerks on the floor and dragging her to her feet with one hand.

 

“I want to see the manager and I want your bank vault open now or we’re going to kill everyone in this bank”, she told the woman.

 

“Starting with the bank staff”, added one of her identical accomplices.

 

The revolving door at the entrance of the bank spun around like the sails of a windmill in a whirlwind as a beam of golden light burst in and then, suddenly, the light started to solidify and take the form of the light suited superhero known to the press and the public as the Infinite Man.

 

“Ladies”, said the Infinite Man and then, looking back and forth between them and noticing the resemblance added, “I take it that you’re all related”.

 

“We are the Army of Me”, said one of the robbers, “The duplicates first created by the Scientist Dr Harriet George O’Brien as a revolutionary army to spread the thoughts of Dr Harriet George O’Brien”.

 

One of the bank robbers delved into a shoulder bag she was carrying and pulled out a slim paperback that she handed to the superhero.

 

“Here, take some of our literature”, she said, “You may find it very enlightening”.

 

The hero glanced briefly at the cover of the book that bore the title, “The Seven Faces Of Wisdom”  and as he did the book caught fire and started to turn into ash, crumbling and falling to the floor.

 

“No thanks”, said the hero, “I judge people by their actions, not by their words and you look like a bunch of immoral criminals to me”.

 

“The Army of Me requires money to fund its cause”, said one of the bankrobbers suddenly grabbing hold of one of the customers from the floor and dragging him up before placing the barrel of her uzi against his temple, “And there is nothing that you can do about it. Interfere and we’ll kill the hostages”.

 

“Hmm?”, though the light suited hero stroking his chin thoughtfully with a golden gloved hand, “Well, you mentioned something earlier about enlightenment. Let me enlighten you”.

 

There was a blinding flash of light as the suit of the superhero grew a thousand times brighter; so bright that none in the bank could see and all had to cover their eyes to stop themselves from being blinded by it.

 

But they could hear; hear the sound of 4 identical female bankrobbers screeching in protest as they were disarmed and their hands were cuffed behind their backs.

 

Then, suddenly, the blinding light began to dim again and, when the eyes of everyone in the bank had readjusted to the dimness, they saw the three bank robbers bound to a pillar by chains and manacles of golden solid light.

 

“You won’t stop us for long”, one of them said, scowling at the hero.

 

“At this very moment the original Harriet George O’ Brien is making more foot soldiers to carry on her cause”, said another.

 

“And one day the Army of Me will take over the world”, said a third.

 

“I doubt that”, said the Infinite Man, “Multiply one idiot by ten thousand and you may have ten thousand but they’re still idiots”.

 

Then, reaching down and helping one of the bank customers back up onto their feet, he added,

 

“If you want to make the world a better place then do what I do, try helping people”.