The Magicalculator

Once there was a boy called Cal and one day Cal was sitting at a table struggling with his maths homework when he began daydreaming and, as he was daydreaming, he thought,
"I wonder what you get if you multiply zero by zero".
And after pondering the problem for a while, finally it dawned upon Cal,
"If 2 times 2 is 2 lots of 2 and 1 times 1 is 1 lot of 1 then zero times zero must be zero lot of zero but zero ammount of zero would be no zero; no nothing and the opposite of nothing must be...well... something".
And no sooner had Cal come to this conclusion when something appeared out of thin air on the table infront of him.
It was a calculator.
But it couldn't have been just an ordinary Calculator, he thought, because ordinary calculators didn't appear out of nowhere.
He pressed the calculators ON button and the calculator started to glow and make a bleeping noise.
"I wonder what would happen if I entered a sum", he thought.
And so he pressed 3 and then X, the sign that means 'multiplied by' but then, before he could enter a second number, a dazzling beam of light shot out of the top of the calculator and hit his stripy pet cat Felix who was nearby playing with a toy mouse and when it did, to Cal's astonishment, suddenly Felix turned from 1 cat into 3.
"Wow", said Cal, looking at the 3 mice fighting over 1 toy mouse, "Its a magicalculator".
But then suddenly, Cal had another idea.
Taking the pocket money his Mum had given him of £3 from his trouser pocket and placing it on the table infront of him, he aimed the magicalculator at it and pressed 100 and then the multiplication sign.
Then, all at once, a beam shot out of the calculator and, touching the 3 pound notes upon the table it turned them into 300 pound notes.
"I'm rich", exclaimed Cal, gathering up all the rustling banknotes from the table.
But then, stuffing all the money in his jacket pockets and putting on his jacket, he decided to go out and buy some sweets and comics from the newsagents at the end of his street.
As he was walking down the street towards the shop, however, suddenly he saw his school bully Big Barry and his gang coming the other way.
"Oh no", he thought, "What will I do. Big Barry is always stealing pocket money from little kids and if he finds out I've got 300 pounds he'll steal the lot. He might even steal my calculator".
Just then, however, Cal had a great idea and, aiming his magicalculator at Barry and his gang, he pressed the subtract sign and the number 4.
And, suddenly, just as before, a beam of light shot out of the end of the calculator and hitting Big Barry and his 3 gang members it made them disappear.
But then, when he had got a bit futher down the road, Cal started to worry.
"I wonder what happened to them. Are they still alive somewhere or did I disintegrate them?", he thought.
He imagined Big Barry's mother crying to the police because her son had dissappeared and he felt guilty.
"Umm..maybe theres a way to bring them back", he thought, looking at the buttons on the calculator again.
He knew that if you made a mistake upon a normal calculator, you could correct it by pressing CE that stood for "Clear Entry" and so he pressed CE on the magicalculator and, suddenly, infront of him there was a bright flash of light and then Big Barry and his gang reappeared.
But he was still worried about Big Barry and his gang stealing all his money.
"If I can't take away Barry and his gang then maybe theres something else I can do", he thought.
Just then, however, he remembered how he had multiplied his pet cat Felix by 3 and, turning the magicalculator round to face him, he pressed the buttons "multiply by" and "5".
And all at once, both he and the magicalculator started to glow; there was a strange "bleep-blap-bloop" sound and suddenly, on either side of him he saw two boys identical to himself.
"Wow", said Cal and the other boys all at the same time, "Now theres 5 of me".
But then, seeing the 5 Cals walking towards them, Big Barry said to his friends,
"Look. Its Cal and he's got his gang with him".
And, frightened, Big Barry and his friends turned and ran.
"Its true what they say", said Cal, smiling, "There's strength in numbers".
And hearing this, all of the other Cals started to laugh.
But then Cal and his 4 other selves reached the newsagent and he bought comics and sweets for all of them.
"My you've got a lot of money", said the newsagent, Mr Templeton, as he was paying for the comics and sweets, "Won the lottery have you?".
"Oh no", said Cal and pointing to his 4 other selves he said, "It's because I've got 4 brothers and we all get pocket money, you see".
"Oh well", said Mr Templeton, smiling, "Lucky you".
Just then, however, into the shop came a man with a stocking over his head and a gun in his hand.
"Hand over all the money in the till", he shouted at Mr Templeton, pointing his gun at him.
Frightened, the newsagent opened up the drawer of his cash register and started to take the money out to hand it to the robber.
But then, remembering, his magicalculator, Cal had another idea and, pointing it at the robbers gun, Cal pressed the "divide by" sign and "2".
And suddenly, out of the end of the calculator came another beam of light that hit the robbers gun making it glow like molten metal then, as if by magic, the gun fell apart just as if it had been chopped in half.
Staring at the half a gun in his hand, the robber was speechless but then, dropping it on the floor he turned around and ran back out of the shop.
"My word", said Mr Templeton, "Thats some calculator".
"Yes it is", answered Cal, "Its...um...its japanese".
But then, before the shopkeeper could ask anymore questions, Cal hurried out of the shop dragging his 4 other selves behind him.
Then they went home and, sitting on Cals couch, all ate sweets and read comics together.
While they were doing that, however, out of the corner of the room a strange man appeared, dressed in clothes the colour of Cals living room wallpaper and dark sunglasses; speaking into a banana as if it were a telephone.
"Yes. I'm in the room of the kid right now", he was saying, "And he has the device on him".
"Who are you?", asked Cal, startled.
The man put away his bananaphone.
"I'm a spy", he said in an American accent and, taking out a ham sandwich from his jacket pocket, he started to take pictures of Cal's calculator with it like a camera.
"Well where did you come from?", asked Cal.
"From the corner of your room", said the spy, continuing to take pictures, "I've been there a long time; watching and listening. Thats what we spies do".
"But why?", asked Cal.
"So we can guard your National security, son", said the Spy, "There are spies in every room in the country but you never know were there because we're silent and we blend easily into the background like the chameleon".
Then, as if to demonstrate, the Spy moved back into the corner of the room and seemed to disappear again as his clothes blended into the wallpaper.
"Well what do you want with me?", asked Cal.
"Don't play innocent, kid", said the Spy, reappearing again, "We know about your magicalculator. We know what it can do and if it were to fall into the wrong hands...".
"Wrong hands?", asked Cal.
"The Chinese have been working on something similar", said the Spy, "An Abracadabacus but if they ever got hold of your Magicalculator we could all be eating chop suey by Christmas. Thats why we have to get it first".
"Well you can't have it", said Cal, clutching the magicalculator to his chest, protectively, "Its mine"
But then the spy took out an umbrella from his pocket and, holding it in both hands like a machine gun, pointed it at Cal.
"Now don't be foolish, kid", said the Spy, "Just hand it over and we'll say no more about it".
Fortunately, as Cal was holding the Calculator tightly, he accidentally pressed the "plus" sign and the number "9" and then, a beam of white light shooting out of the top of the calculator and hitting him in the chin, suddenly Cal started to grow.
He grew bigger and bigger  and bigger until, when he had stopped growing, he was over 9 feet tall.
Frightened of the giant Cal, the Spy tried to shoot him with his umbrella but, fortunately, it was only an ordinary umbrella and so the Spy ran out of the room instead.
"But you haven't heard the last of this, kid", said the Spy as he shut the door behind him.
Cal pressed the 'minus' sign and the number '9' shrinking back down to his original height.
"Oh dear", he thought to himself, "Now I really am in trouble. I wonder what I'm going to do".
But then, looking at the buttons of the magicalculator, Cal saw the squareroot button start to glow and when he pushed the button suddenly there was a bright, blinding flash of white light and, when the light dimmed, to Cals amazement he realized that he was no longer in the normal world but in a strange abstract world like a gigantic, glowing grid.
"Where am I?", he asked.
"Inside the Magicalculator", said a voice, "In another dimension".
"Well who are you?", asked Cal.
Then suddenly there was another bright flash and, standing infront of him, he saw an old man dressed like a magician but, rather than magical symbols, his robes and conical hat were covered in numbers.
"I am Calculus, the Mathmagician", said the old man, "It is I who made the magicalculator".
"Well maybe you can help me", said Cal, "You see there are spies after me".
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about them", said the wizard, "When I'm finished teaching you all my mathmagical knowledge, you'll be more powerful than spies, governments or kings".
"Teaching me?", asked Cal, surprised.
"Yes. I would like you to be my apprentice", said the Wizard, "Only if you want to, ofcourse".
"Wow", said Cal, "Yes please".
"Well then", said the wizard, reaching into a pocket of his robes and pulling out a ruler with which, just like a wizards wand, he then conjured up a large, flat square that was floating just like a flying carpet above the ground, hopping onto it as nimbly as a surfer, "Get on board the magic square".
Cal clambered onto the floating square and slowly it began to move forwards
"Where are we going?", asked Cal.
"To infinity, of course" said the wizard.
"Infinity?", asked Cal, perplexed.
"Yes", said the Wizard as the square suddenly lurched forwards, accelerating to the speed of light, "And thats just the beginning".