The man; his Wife, the bad cook and the Giant

Once upon a time, there was a man, named Gordon, whose wife was a terrible cook. The bread rolls and cakes that she made were as hard as rocks and the stew that she made, well it would make you ill to eat it.

 

But her husband loved her so much that he never told her how bad her food was because he knew it would hurt her feelings.

 

One day, however, the husband made the mistake of saying,

 

“Why your food is so good that, I bet, if I took it to market, lots of people would buy it and we’d be rich”.

 

“What a good idea”, said his wife, smiling, “I’ll make lots of food and you can take it to market today”.

 

And then, before he could do anything to stop her, his wife set to work making lots of rock hard bread rolls and cakes and pots of uneatable stew and loading it all upon his cart, Gordon had to set off to market with it.

 

But though he smiled as he waved goodbye to his wife, inside he had a heavy heart because he knew that his wife’s food was so terrible that no one would want to buy it.

 

“And I just know she’ll be upset when I come home again and haven’t sold any”, he thought.

 

But then, as Gordon was travelling on his cart down the road that lead from their farmhouse, he saw a trail of gigantic foot prints leading off into the forest.

 

“Oh my”, he thought, astonished, “What kind of beast can have made those, I wonder”.

 

And, because he was curious to see the creature that had made the gigantic prints, he followed the trail deep into the forest until, finally, Gordon came to a cave filled with gold and treasure and it was empty; whoever owned the treasure was not around but, beside the opening of the cave was perched a gigantic, one eyed bird like an eagle.

 

“If only I could get to that treasure”, thought Gordon to himself, “Me and my wife would be rich but that giant bird is guarding the entrance”.

 

Just then, however, Gordon remembered the cakes and bread rolls that his wife had baked which were as hard as rocks and, picking up handfuls of them, he hurled them at the bird and, though the bird was gigantic and shielded itself with its enormous wings, he managed to hit the bird on the head, knocking it unconscious so that it tumbled, with a loud squawk, from its perch.

 

Then, emptying out his wife’s pots of stew behind a bush that, tasting the stew, instantly started to wither, he took them into the cave and began filling them up with gold and diamonds, rubies and emeralds.

 

“When I bring back all this treasure, I know my wife will forgive me for throwing away her stew”.

 

Just then however, as Gordon was loading the pots of treasure onto his cart, he felt the earth shake and heard the rumble of giant, tree crushing footsteps coming closer and then, suddenly, stomping towards him and towering over him, he saw a giant bigger than he’d ever thought a giant could be, tall as a mountain and broad as a barnhouse and then, in a voice like typhoons and thunder and earthquakes, the giant bellowed,

 

“What are you doing in front of my cave? Stealing my treasure?”.

 

“N..n..no”, said Gordon, looking up at the giant, trembling and stuttering in fear, “I..um..I just thought you might like to try some of my wife’s stew, that is all, it’s awfully delicious”.

 

“Stew?”, asked the giant.

 

“Yes”, said Gordon, reaching into his cart and lifting up a pot that still had stew in it, holding it out for the giant.

 

The giant reached down with a gigantic thumb and forefinger as broad as tree trunks and then, gently, pinched hold of the stew pot before, picking it up he threw it, still in its pot, into his enormous mouth and down his gigantically long gullet.

 

But then, the moment that the giant tasted the stew, his face started to turn a funny colour, like the bright green of mushy peas and he started to feel very light headed and nauseous and then, suddenly, gripping his stomach and losing consciousness the giant fell with an almighty crash onto the ground.

 

“My wife’s stew must have poisoned him”, said Gordon, amazed but very relieved.

 

But then, happily filling up more of his wife’s stew pots with what was left of the gold and treasure, he took it back home upon his cart.

 

“My word”, said his wife, seeing her stew pots filled with treasure, “You got all that just by selling my food?”.

 

“Oh yes”, lied Gordon, “So…um..now you won’t have to cook ever again”.

 

“Not cook?”, asked his wife, “Don’t you like my cooking?”.

 

“Oh yes, dear”, replied her husband, “But now we can afford to hire a cook, in fact a whole team of cooks to cook for us”.

 

Gordon held his breath, expecting his wife to be angry with him for saying this but, to his surprise, she wasn’t angry at all.

 

“Good”, she said, smiling and kissing him, “I’ve never really liked cooking anyway. I only kept doing it because you seemed to like my food so much”.

 

And after that day Gordon and his wife ate well and lived happily ever after.