Princess Back -To- Front

Once upon a time a young woman was cursed by an old wizard because she spurned his advances.

 

“I curse you”, he said, “To say and do the opposite of whatever you mean to say and do for the rest of your life”.

 

And so, for the rest of the poor girls life, she walked backwards when she meant to walk forwards; she stood up when she meant to sit down and she said yes when she meant to say No.

 

One day, however, the girl was walking backwards through a forest when she passed by an enchanted cottage.

 

And, as she did, the door of the cottage opened wide and a voice asked,

 

“Would you like to come inside, young lady?”.

 

Now the contrary girl was afraid of the house and so she didn’t want to enter it at all, however when she tried to say no and shake her head from side to side, she couldn’t and instead nodded her head up and down, saying “Yes”.

 

Then, though she tried her best to run away from the house, she found that she just couldn’t and, instead, ran in through its open door; the door closing behind her.

 

But then, inside the house, there were lots of chairs and they were enchanted chairs and when they saw the girl they all begged,

 

“Oh please, sit on me. I am the most comfortable”.

 

But she didn’t want to sit on any of the chairs and yet, because she didn’t want to sit on any of the chairs, she sat on one of them; the largest and most comfortable of the chairs.

 

But then an enchanted hostess trolley came out of the kitchen of the house and wheeling itself towards her, stopped in front of her.

 

And on the hostess trolley were lots of enchanted cakes of all different kinds; some with brightly coloured icing and others with cream in them and they too were all begging,

 

“Oh please, please, eat me; I’m the sweetest”.

 

But the young woman didn’t want to eat any of them and yet, because she didn’t want to eat any of them, she ate one of them; a large cream filled chocolate éclair.

 

When she had finished eating the cake however, suddenly the owner of the house appeared; an ugly old gnome with a long white beard and, winding up a gramophone which started to play a waltz, he asked her,

 

“Would you care to dance?”.

 

Now the girl did not want to dance with the ugly old gnome  but, because she did not want to dance with him, she nodded her head and said, “Yes, I would”.

 

Then they danced round and round the gnomes cottage.

But then the dwarf looking deep into her eyes asked her,

 

“Could I kiss you just once?”.

 

Now the woman hated the idea of kissing the ugly old gnome even once, however because she did not want to kiss him even once; she kissed him not only once but twice upon the lips.

 

But then, suddenly, in a flash of bright light; the ugly old gnome changed into a handsome prince.

 

“Your kisses have broken the curse that was put upon me by an evil witch, turning me into an ugly old gnome”, he said.

 

And then, getting down upon one knee, he asked, “Oh please, will you marry me”.

 

Now the woman thought that perhaps she would like to marry the handsome prince but, because she thought she would like to marry him, she said, “No, I wouldn’t”.

 

“Well then, perhaps you could just stay and have dinner with me”, said the prince.

 

But the young woman, because she thought that she might like to stay and have dinner with the prince, ran out of the house instead; in fact, ran all the way home.

 

However, the Prince wanted to understand the woman’s strange behaviour and so he followed the woman to her house and their met and talked with her mother.

 

And then her mother explained to him all about her daughters curse.

 

So then the Prince asked the woman again,

 

“Please will you marry me?”.

 

And, this time, when the woman shook her head and said, “No, Never”, the prince knew that what she really meant was, “Yes, please”.

 

And then, only the next day, the two were married in a very strange back-to-front sort of wedding ceremony in which they both swore “I don’t” but really meant “I do” and then the prince and his contrary princess both lived unhappily for a very brief time which is a back-to-front way of saying that they lived happily ever after.