Wonder Witch 2 - Wonder Witch and The Lord of Misrule

The madly giggling man had a face like a white harlequin mask and wore a brightly coloured patchwork costume with a large, drooping cap and bells upon his head that jingled loudly as he walked or, rather, skipped and pranced around a lamp post as if it were a maypole and it would have been easy to mistake him for a medieval court jester were it not for the large peculiar shaped ray-gun in his white gloved right hand and the menacing madness in his eyes as he randomly fired his ‘inverto-ray” at buildings and cars round about him.

Screaming and yelling in panic; people flooded out onto the street; desperately rushing to escape the scene of chaos as concrete buildings and parked cars, gripped by the power of the motley costumed mad-man’s ‘inverto ray’ flipped themselves, like tossed pancakes, upside down.

“What fools these Earthlings be?”, laughed the ray-gun wielding jester, maniacally, “For, verily, this planet of theirs is a most topsy-turvy sort of place. Luckilly, I am here to set things contrariwise”.

But then, all of a sudden, the insane harlequin heard the eery wailing of police sirens getting steadily louder and saw blue and red whirling and flashing lights as about a dozen black and white police cars came tearing around a corner; screeching to a halt infront of him and, before he knew it, he was being surrounded on all sides by men in light blue shirts and peaked police caps and a beige-suited
police detective was yelling at him through a bullhorn, telling him to drop his weapon and put his hands upon his head.

“Hee-hee”, smaned the sinister clown as he adjusted the dial upon his mysterious looking weapon with the edge of his thumb so that the arrow which had pointed towards “Inverto-ray” now pointed towards something called a “transformer beam”.

“They say that the law is an ass and I think that they might be right”, he said as he pointed his strange pistol towards the line of police officers that was encircling him and a bright beam of purple
coloured light shot from its slender silver barrel, fanning outward and engulfing the heads of all the police officers, transforming them into the hairy, braying heads of donkey’s.

“A vast improvement”, said the maniacal jester, with a broad, lopsided grin, as he watched the donkey headed men in blue police uniforms stumble about in panic and confusion.

But then, from behind him, the grinning man heard a young female voice address him angrily, “Return those policemen to normal at once or I’ll turn YOU into something and you won’t be grinning then!”.

Turning his head one hundred and eighty degrees to face the direction from which the voice had come, the alien harlequin then saw a young blonde haired woman wearing a skin-tight, one-piece, pink costume; thigh-high pink boots; a pink domino mask across her eyes and a pointed,pink witch’s hat perched at a jaunty angle upon her head.

It was that famous, crime-fighting super sorceress known to all as Wonder Witch and she didn’t look happy about the alien jester’s inverto-ray antics.

“Return them to normal?”, asked the crazy, ray-gun toting clown, his body now rotating to face the same direction as his head, “Why, where I come from, that is normal. It’s your upside down planet
that’s loopy. That’s why I ‘The Lord Of Misrule’ have come to put things right”.

And, saying this, the motley suited alien madman pointed his transforming beam at Wonder Witch’s pointy hat and, in a flash of purple light, the hat transformed from a witch’s hat into an orange traffic cone and from a traffic cone into a giant upturned ice-cream cone before finally becoming a pointy white dunce’s cap with a large ‘D’ upon the front.

“Hee-hee-hee”, chortled the alien harlequin, “Perhaps they should have named you blunder witch
instead”.

But Wonder Witch was not in the least bit amused. Fortunately, however, the super-sorceress always kept a spare pink witch’s hat in case of emergencies which she quickly substituted for the dunce’s cap before reaching into her special utility belt and pulling out her golden magic wand.

“Two can play at that game”, said Wonder Witch, aiming her wand towards the ray-gun in the alien-jesters right hand and transforming it into a large droopy sunflower that squirted water into
the harlequin’s face the moment that he tried to inspect it.

All of a sudden, however, the jester’s large, lopsided grin became an angry snarl as he yelled, “I’ll teach you to meddle in my merry mischief making”.

Then the alien jester took off his drooping, three pointed cap and bells and, to her horror, Wonder Witch saw that, underneath the hat, were three long waving, sucker-covered alien tentacles that grabbed the super sorceress around her slender waist, raising her high over the insanely giggling
alien’s head.

“Eek!”, shrieked Wonder Witch as the giant tentacles spun her round like the arms of a wrestler,
“This jester really has no sense of humour”.

Thankfully, Wonder Witch, though dizzy from being spun round, had remembered a spell for just such an occasion and, touching the five pointed, star shaped talisman which hung around her neck
she incanted, “Powerful pentacle, burst with bright light, tie up these tentacles and tie them up tight”.

And, as if in response to the super-sorceress’s incantation, the pentacle around her neck started to glow with a hazy but brilliant white light and then, to the alien jester’s astonishment, he suddenly felt as if strong invisible hands were seizing firmly upon his tentacles and tying them tightly together.

“Arggh!”, cried the Jester as he looked up and saw Wonder Witch free from his grasp and all his tentacles tied up in a knot.

Now it was Wonder Witch’s turn to laugh, “Ha-ha!”, she said as she saw the alien harlequin frantically trying to untie himself, “Looks as if you’re KNOT doing very well!”.

But seeing Wonder Witch laugh at him only made the alien jester more angry, “No one laughs at me and gets away with it!”, he growled as he rotated a dial upon his belt buckle which, to Wonder Witches surprise and dismay, made the body of the alien creature grow and expand in all directions becoming taller and wider, its muscles seeming to inflate like helium balloons and its chest broaden
until it burst from its patchwork costume and then, glaring down at Wonder Witch, snatched up the cowering, costumed super sorceress in one of its now enormous fists and, with fingers as thick as boa-constrictors, began to squeeze her tightly.

“Oh no!”, said Wonder Witch, for once helpless, “What will I do now?!”.

However, suddenly and joyfully, Wonder Witch felt the grip of the monstrous, giant jester slacken
and, as she struggled free of his enormous grasp, she saw that three men in dark grey and pin stripe suits were subduing the creature with ray-guns very similar to the one which it had used against her and then, unable to take any more, the alien Jester suddenly broke away from the three men and hurled himself desperately upwards towards the clouds at enormous speed before disappearing out of sight.

“Thank you very much for helping me”, said Wonder Witch to the grey suited men who had come to her aid, “I don’t know if I could have escaped from the clutches of that thing without your help but
who are you and why did you help me?”.

“We are Bedlamites. Escaped lunatics from an asylum upon the jester’s home world of Bedlam”, said one of the three men who called himself Zanity.

Wonder Witch looked the grey suited men up and down, “You don’t look very much like lunatics to me”, she said, “Infact, if you don’t mind my saying so, you look sort of boringly average and normal”.

“We are”, replied the bedlamite, “But you see, on our planet of Bedlam, it is the normal and sane people who are considered mad and are locked in asylums, that is why we fled our home world in a space-ship and came to the safety and sanity of your planet”.

“Well”, said Wonder Witch smiling, “On behalf of the people of the Earth, I welcome you to our planet”.

“Wow!”, said the beige suited police detective, his face returning to its normal human form as the jester’s transformer beam started to wear off, “Wonder Witch, what are you doing here? I just had the weirdest dream that I was some kind of a donkey. What happened?”.

“I’d tell you, detective”, laughed Wonder Witch as she mounted her flying broomstick and took to the air, “But you’d probably think I was crazy”.