In the light of things to come

Flippant!! Flippant! They didn’t understand her at all did they? She was angry and hurt, but understood only too well the minds of these stupid people who couldn’t see past the nose on their faces, who stayed with what they had for fear of venturing into the unknown, and in their unhappiness of an unfulfilled life, spent their days passing judgement over things they hadn’t got a clue about! There only aim in life to make it through to the next weekend where they could drown their senses (or lack of) with a few pints or endless glasses of wines and spirits at the local tap house! Their disregard towards someone else’s peace and tranquillity on their journey home, voice’s loud and obtrusive, banging the door on entry and then singing at the top of their voices to meaningless trash on their cheap and tacky karaoke system well in to the early hours of the next day, where they were sure to awaken to a banging hangover and decide to go through the whole process again.

She was glad that she was different. There were things that she saw and felt that she knew they never would. Things that she appreciated, understood, and the unbelievable fact that she knew in their wildest dreams could never even begin to imagine, within their blinkered existence! At times it had hurt, who indeed were they to pass judgement on things that they didn’t and never would understand?

All she had ever wanted was to find someone who knew who she was. Who could see the things that she could see, and feel the wonder in the beauty of nature, of art, words, and creativeness. Who was totally aware of what love is and should be! She would not stay in a relationship that tormented her soul, that irritated and angered, frustrated and exasperated, and why should she? Surely it was wrong to pretend that everything was ok when it wasn’t. Surely the best thing to do in that situation was walk away? And not only for self preservation, but also for the good of the other person involved. They would at least then have the chance to find something real, not a lie? She had never wanted to hurt anyone, and even though there is pain when a relationship has run its course, at least it’s a chance for better things to come?

So here she was. The smell of the forest trees filled her finely tuned senses, as she gathered pine cones, her dogs blissfully sniffing around, investigating in their simple but happy lives. She studied them on many an occasion, rejoiced in the warmth that filled her entirety at the simplicity of their happiness. The bond between herself and her animals much stronger than human contacts, they never judged her and loved her unconditionally, always prepared to put her life before their own!

She had spent the best part of 5yrs alone now. Had been in deep, dark places and had also floating along without a care in the world. For what had once seemed a mission to find, she now just accepted that if something was meant to be it would happen. Her imagination had been the problem behind her need to rush into things before she had really taken note of the facts, an occurrence of this throughout her life had now taken her to a different level. She had learned so much from past experiences, and although some she never wished to relive again, she was also thankful for the lessons that had been learnt, the strength that she had gained and the certainty of the person she had become. Her past had left many scars; she questioned things more closely, maybe too closely. It was mankind! She had little faith in mankind. Destroyed by false hopes and un-kept promises, lies and deceits, she chose to remain at arm’s length, taking faltering steps and retreating when the aliens in her head, danced upon long distant memories of situations past. She was determined never to be there again, but worried that it would stop her from moving forward in the end, and from finding what it was that she looked for. They say that life is meant for living, was she living? Or merely existing, she wasn’t sure.
With the September sun on her back, and a warm breeze blowing in her hair, a bag full of pine cones and ears of corn, they steadily sauntered back to the car. She was lucky to live where she did, it was a beautiful place, even though it was seldom appreciated by the blind that lived there. There was little more missing really apart from the ocean and mountains. She scanned the view, the beautiful trees standing majestic in their appearance, wise in their years, just as she had become, and the rolling landscape of green fields, separated by the colour of the corn standing tall, awaiting its moment of thrashing. It had been a strange year, much more than average rainfall and September just arrived as though it were the start of summer!
A chance meeting had once more stirred things within her. She had known him for some time, spent a good few hours over the years holding intelligent conversation. An educated man, charismatic, strong in character, passionate in his beliefs and desires of a life yet to fulfil. But for the first time, he spoke with an air of sadness revealing an upturned corner of what was in his mind.
They shared similarities that stimulated her from way down deep within when it came to things that captivated a creative and appreciative mind. He had with respect conformed to what society dictated, expected, but she sensed a change within him, she felt as though in some way he was about to rebel!
She remembered the first time they had really spoken. Another repetitive and mundane Sunday, working behind the bar , watching the local yokels doing their normal thing of drinking too much, talking to loud and swaying about on jellied legs after once again having more than one too many! She hoped that it didn’t show in her face the feelings of disdain that seeped through her, much like a foul aroma of a decaying mass somewhere hidden amongst a hedgerow. As she turned around, there he stood. A warm and friendly smile, ice blue eyes that shimmered with the rays of the afternoon sun that streamed through the window as she passed him“Old Speckled Hen” Conversations that started from that moment in time, gave her new life. At last, there was someone who understood! From the drudgery of an everyday existence, came a rainbow to follow, as his words inspired and unlocked the part of her that was fast becoming hidden by a veil of solitude amongst a community devoid of everything outside of their immediate vicinity! She began to look forward to those Sunday afternoons, scanning the door constantly waiting for him to arrive, and yet seemingly indifferent to the situation as he ordered his usual. She recaptured in her mind, the sense of loneliness at the times he failed to appear, passing the time with polite but almost pointless conversation, hanging on way after her shift was over, just in case, and then almost dragging her feet on the way home like a spoilt child who’s request for a lollipop had been turned down. When the thought of working there any longer became too much for her to contend with, she left, and lost those moments that had meant so much in the depth of conversation, although they remained etched within her mind. Periodically, they met by chance and held conversation. The years had shown changes within their lives, new horizons out of distant pasts.... and now? Another chance meeting, another conversation held brought the prospects of a brighter future fuelled by just a few simple sentences, and once more inspired by what had been and what was yet to come.