The Darkness Poem (extended)

By Wolverain

Wed, 21 Aug 2013
  • 755 reads
2 comments
 

Nothing is ever how you expect it to be,

Nothing is ever how it seems.

There is something else here,

Something strange lurking near.

In the shadows, in the dark,

I leaves it's mark on your heart.

In the darkness, all around,

There is love to be found.

Love is joy, love is hate,

Love is a feeling two or more people create.

Love is blind love is bright,

You can also find it in the light,

It is unpredictable at the best of times,

Two people have to work to make sure if flies,

Because, love is never how you expect it to be,

It is never how it seems,

Love is there, it is also here,

It is always that strange something lurking near,

In the light, in the dark

It leaves its mark on your heart.

 

Writters note:

I extended it to see if it was better than the shorter version, I'm not sure if it is equally or as good, I'd like some opinions really, so anyone who comments would be a lot of help 'cause I always seem to write one short poem and then have the urge to extend it. so do you like the extended versions better than the origionals?? or vise-versa? I'd like to know what my audience Thinks. Thank you.

Certificate U
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on

Hi Wolverain, I've read both. I feel you are trying to convey the uncapturable spirit of love. if I'm right, then I prefer the first. There is a real strength in more left unsaid. I have commented on the original, too.

Couple of typos, just letters missing: It leaves - it flies.

This version seems to be exhausting all possible guises of love in a category effect, which betrays the purpose. This verse, in my opinion, seemed cliched and abit clumsy:

 Love is joy, love is hate,

Love is a feeling two or more people create.

Love is blind love is bright,

You can also find it in the light.

Sometimes, adding more meat to the bone dilutes the strength of what is captured in less words. I feel you lose some of the mystery and poignance by defining too much here. I would try to put a comparison in as well - what do you liken love to - it may go some way to defining that 'strangeness.' Hope this helps.

 

Submitted by Wolverain on

Yeah that is what I thought before, I am happy with the feed back you have given me, I was hesitant on putting the extended version up because I did feel it wasn't as strong. Thank you very much for your feed back.