Untitled
By Writer43
- 489 reads
The time: 9:27 am. It was a typical day and routine. The state of business: Quantum Incorporated which is on the moon. An hour into the work shift, an explosion had happened and it wasn’t usual. This attack by terrorists by had disrupted the work day. 49 people were seriously hurt and 18 people were trapped under rubble. A worker was walking to the next section until he was caught in the explosion and thrown violently and absorbed into the debris. All of a sudden, darkness had surrounded all around him. The worker’s movement was limited. A muffled voice had cried out. “Hello, is anyone there?” The worker responded back “I’m here, I am trapped under the rubble!” The voice responded back “Keep your eyes closed. The green light is from the rescue unit is digging you out and the light can easily blind you.” “What do you want me to do?” asked the worker. The voice responded back. “Stay calm and listen to my voice. We will get you out in no time. We are digging you out from the debris, be patient and with my team.” A rumble had happened as a result of the explosion. “Stay calm that was an aftershock.” The voice also replied. The voice assured the trapped man that he will get out and needs to be optimistic. The man panicked and screamed “I don’t want to die, please don’t let me die! Help!!!” “It is okay to be scared. Don’t allow fear to cripple you. You have to be strong.” The tone of the voice had changed from forceful to nurturing. “Visualize yourself feeling fine and which place you would like to really be”. The voice’s tone had changed. The man had decided to follow the voice’s advice. The man had decided to focus on 2 images. The first one was in a Boxing Ring with 2 people in it. There was no Referee in there except 2 two. No crowds, just silence. The bell rings and the other boxer is fear itself who proceeds to punch the man intensively. The man feels the punches and falls down on the ground. The man gets back up and returns the punches with the same if not double intensity. The bell rings and both men go back to their respective corners. When the bell rings, they go back out and continuously pound on each other. Neither man will not give up. The man decides to dig deeper into his very soul and give it his all. He is punched again by the Fear Boxer and falls down. He gets up, not feeling not tired, but energized and charges ahead towards Fear. A major punch to the punch is felt by Fear who is feeling groggy. The man decides to take the opportunity to strike and not let up. Fear is afraid of the man and is finally punched down to the ring floor. After a 1, 2, 3 count, the silence is filled with sounds of applause. The scene starts to change. Both the ring and fallen boxer fade away. The new scenery is a beach, the ocean, and sunlight. There are no people except the man and a tiny speck that is approaching him that reveals to be a woman in a swimsuit, dark brown hair and blue colored skin. The woman, smiles and the scenery changes once again. The man is back where he originally was and sees the voice who is the woman from his dream. “I am glad that you are back.” The woman smiled at him.
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I tried to read but you
I tried to read but you bulked in run on sentence... From what I read, its pretty good, but as a stpry teller it needs a little more dialouge or may sound more like a story told by a grandpa of his time in vietnam. Try cutting it into 6 sentence paragraphs, and make it a little less confusing. Flashbacks have a tendency to throw off new readers, as in people looking to be invested in a story.
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