Snowdrop

Cherry

By wulfric9

Wed, 23 Jan 2013
  • 904 reads
5 comments
 

We weren’t expecting snow.
Yet it was in the snow we found
you were expecting. The world reformed
by the sudden blanket, you felt a corm
decide it had a future, sensed its slow
unveiling in the January ground.

She’s still your flesh tonight.
Incipience of pearl, a bulb
of cells, a thumbnail heart.
Alike. As snowflakes can’t be told apart
you cannot tell the snowdrop’s alb
from its soft swaddle; a peal of white on white.

Certificate U
Poem
Snow
Love

Comments

Submitted by scratch on
Congratulations wulfric9. I hope all are well. A good poem to mark the occasion. Well done. On a writing perspective may I make a little suggestion. The second and third line let the rest down a bit. Instead of "Yet in the snow we found you were expecting" consider a revision, perhaps 'Yet in the snow our expectation grew'. Please remember that is only my subjective opinion on your already good poem.

 

Submitted by wulfric9 on
The second expecting is supposed to jump out. It came from a revision. It is meant to echo the first use of the word with the irony that by the time the second has arrived the sense of the word has changed from "anticipating" into "pregnant" signaling that although the world looks the same, it is now radically different. This is meant to be a thematic link to the ideas about barely discernable changes (the snowdrops petals against the white snow) but there it is...

Submitted by deborah1970 on
Congratulations! Good poem

Submitted by scratch on
Hello Wulfric9, bear in mind the last sentence of my comment above. You've written a darn good poem (it's been awarded a cherry after all) and its one that you can be justifiably proud of mate. I'm looking forward to reading more.

 

Submitted by wulfric9 on
Thanks. I appreciated your praise, just that the repetition was deliberate and there to achieve the effect, not accidental. Thanks for your praise.