Sandy Hogarth

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My stories have been read times 6 of my 44 comments have been voted Great Feedback with a total of 6 votes

Sandy Hogarth

6 of my comments have received 6 Great Feedback votes

1 Vote

Like the 'turtle' simile.

Posted on Tue, 08 Mar 2016

Like the 'turtle' simile.

His name --- hers'. No apostrophe.

Good cut in by Harry

EC with hers. Again no apostrophe

Is it not a bit much of a coincidence tha OC had report on her desk...

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Posted in EBOLOWA 31

1 Vote

3rd para - 'if the Greek was

Posted on Sat, 27 Feb 2016

3rd para - 'if the Greek was dead'

'His mind' para- like the tattoo image. Take out 'bissful'. Tpp cliched. Like the ension at the end of this para.

In the 'He pressed..' para. Not clear who bastard is and who had...

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Posted in EBOLOWA 28

1 Vote

Cut 'to switch identities'.

Posted on Sat, 10 Oct 2015

Cut 'to switch identities'. You show that. Not sure about 'scales of time'.

'She said she ....pictures. Don't think the words work. And are unlikely words. What about recosnising voices.

Is it 'the boyfriend' already.

...

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Posted in EBOLOWA 23

1 Vote

Hi Simon,

Posted on Thu, 08 Oct 2015

Hi Simon,

As always like the writing. It's crisp and direct and good dialogue. I also like this extra (think it is!) bckground of marc Benet. Last part of last sentence of para 2 doesn't quite work.

Do we know who Monique is? Will...

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Posted in EBOLOWA 22

1 Vote

Love it Simon. Vast

Posted on Mon, 28 Sep 2015

Love it Simon. Vast improvement and best of all the insights inot Candace, her uncertainly, less cocky. Now flustered and unsure. The story needs that.

Para 1 - needs a bit of tweeking. Reads as if tailwind behind Candace. Have forgotten...

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Posted in EBOLOWA 20

1 Vote

Simon - loved this change and

Posted on Sun, 20 Sep 2015

Simon - loved this change and esp. the blackmail over the daughter. Very powerful. Most of my comments relate to 1st part.