X Box

X Box (28th April, 2008. 11.00pm)

I don’t want to be the lies that slide between your teeth…
When you fuck her and think of me just let me know
How it feels to be with someone so damn tame,
How it feels to be the liar in need, the liar indeed,
At least you’re calling out the same name!
I thought you’d got over this, I’d thought you’d let it be;
Sleeping dogs lie but can they still dream?
Come eat me up again, I thought I’d taken all the pain
You were dishing up for me, but I could go around again,
Ten rounds again, come do my head in for a change.

Push the button and hit play, I cannot rewind digitalised discs
That scratch and marr the music that we used to make so sweetly
Just like this, just like this, oh if it wasn’t for your wanting kiss…
Come as you are, you were never what I wanted you to be
But I jumped in, as a fool dives in too fast into moving sea,
Tidal waters take my body as you take me for a ride,
I thought the minute that you left me my desire would shrivel up and die!
Oh do you think I care about you, little game that I once played?
Moving up through all your levels on a personal crusade…

Points for beauty, points for sexy, points for holding down your body
While you came, half your size, now it’s over I just watch you fade away;
A diet of coca cola isn’t going to keep you sane;
You might be thinner, but I’m still prettier, isn’t that the problem
For little miss a-little-bit-more-sane? My aesthetic came between us, yes,
My body numbed your brain the way hers can’t quite redeem her,
Don’t you dare compare us, yes I see you, eyes like measuring tape
And your little half-confessions on the phone, at hours too late.

Get off the box and let me be, you were always too much for me
With your total lack of ambition how did you aspire to me?
Was it worth it, was it worth it, two whole years of learning incompatibility?
One step closer, two steps further, I knew from the first you weren’t for me!
Was I blinded, was I stupid, was I desperate, was I tempted a little bit too much
Can humans say no to love and acceptance that seem promises at first?
I didn’t stop to read the small print, what drew me to you also needled,
But right up until the moment I could have jumped out in you wheedled,
Was it sex, was it love, was it a mistake I had to make? Was there a choice?
Did I block out my own voice of reason yelling no and join the dance
Of poison ants, crawling up my skin, reaching for my inner sin?
Oh come as you are, little fools little girls are. Just say no. Never again. Just say no.
Lesson learnt. X of reason, X of treason, just say no. Leave the box alone…