Skin

Cherry

By jennifer

Tue, 10 Jun 2008
  • 3696 reads
13 comments
 

Skin (10th June 2008, 11.36am)

I am a prisoner within
my own body limits,
restricted by cell walls
and creeping minutes
as I age and shed, one
by one, the building blocks
that construct a human;

the world is in my skin;
the world is on my skin;
my world is within my skin;
and I need to escape.

Like a snake, I itch and scratch,
loosening the wrappings,
detaching inside from
outside, all the trappings
that make me look human,
slide out, leave it hanging
on a nail protruding;

the world can see my skin;
the world can see me too;
the world is staring at my skin;
and it can see right through.

Certificate 15
Poem
Disturbing Dreams (Summer 2008)
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Caldwell on
You're prettier with a membrane, darling. It's the skin that keeps us in without it would be sore We'd go dry and quickly die and that would be a bore

 

Submitted by Caldwell on
Sorry, that was callous. I particularly like the first 4 lines. I think the very last line lets it down though.

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Is that better? I changed 'as I stand and bleed' to 'but it cannot see me'. And your = possessive while you're = you are, which is the one I think you mean... No, callous in lines of poetry is perfectly acceptable, I always enjoy a comment on verse in verse...

 

Submitted by sunshine on
Disturbing dream indeed. Meanwhile your versatility with subjects never ceases to amaze me. I didn't see the last line before you made changes, but not so sure it works now. Can see/can't see? Though I can kind of see why you may have introduced this apparent contradiction. Not too sure about the snake loosening the wrappings, but that may be due to the limitations of my own imagination.

Submitted by Caldwell on
I think it's better now, yes. I modified my comment mishap too so as not to dirty your page with poor language skills

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Haha yes but have just noticed, as sunshine pointed out, that I've totally contradicted myself. I need more suggestions! the world can see my skin; the world can see me too; the world is staring at my skin; but it cannot see me. See?

 

Submitted by Caldwell on
I noticed, but since you outwit me so easily I thought this was some cleverer than thou trick I couldn't hope to understand. but cannot see within. perhaps? Sorry I'm so desperate to make a rhyme. Is it a crime? Could be sublime... Just give me time.

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Oh dear, I hope I don't come across as pretentious - I'm really not. I'm actually quite silly. Is it a crime, a crime to want to make things rhyme? We shall do our time, our time, trying to make it rhyme... In the vein of musicals such as 'Oliver!' eh? Yes, me too, I love random internal rhymes too, they make pieces so ROUND, don't you think? Very lyrical. I have no idea what to do here, completely stumped.

 

Submitted by Dynamaso on
This is another piece I could easily imagine as song lyrics. I really like this one.

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Got it! How about that, Caldwell?! Thanks, Dy!

 

Submitted by Caldwell on
Phew, that's it. Thy fearful symmetry has been framed.

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Yes, and here I lurk in the forests of the night, saying I'm off to bed and yet still here on the ever more addictive abc, spying on my own comments and leaving my little remarks all over the place! Thou shalt find more errors, I am sure on 't!

 

Submitted by Caldwell on
Yes, this is terribly addictive... I guess I'll be hearing about it soon from them that pays me wages