Eyes
By capoeiragem
Mon, 03 Nov 2008
- 822 reads
1 comments
Our eyes drift together
like the surface of two planets,
colliding, overlapping,
drenching the whole world in darkness,
beneath the shadowy sharp focus
of white against white,
like frozen doors dilating
against the shifting of the sand.
And silence, shaped like a butterfly,
holds its hollow breath, then sings,
on playful wings that stutter
against a startled window pane,
to wallow in that open space
where lashes frolic to touch.
While light, unfolding slowly
inside a prism of unlocked eyes,
stretches towards the shadow
of a rolled up ocean whisper.
Like a drop of ink exploding
across a sea of milky white,
a single lash that shimmers
against the tyranny of the stars.
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Comments
It's difficult to compare
It's difficult to compare without having both versions in front of you. However I do like 'tyranny of the stars' much more than 'all of creation'
and I find the last stanza now very compact indeed.
I like this one better.
regards
Ewan
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