In this city.

Theres so much to see, so many places to go. Yet I am left with nothing to do. Alone. The lights blur in the vast darkness, restaurants, bars, clubs, cafes, shops. I'm not hungry or thirsty... or anything.
I hear constant sirens whining in the distance. A stray dog yips and yaps, piercing my ears, dark alleys, horrible thoughts. Not safe here. Turn around. Where am I going? Back to the flat? It is worse there- cold, plain walls, mouldy ceiling, and cracked floor. There’s a sordid smell of Chinese takeaway, lingering.
Have you ever wanted to go out in the dark, in secret? Just for the thrill of it? With no one knowing where you are. Surely you have, I know I did. Did. In reality I'd rather be in my bed, with the landing light on, a 6 year old again.
I haven't been walking long, but i've lost track of time. You do when time doesn't matter. A monologue running in my head for no one to hear but myself, I feel like screaming just to make myself heard.
A city changes in the dark. Loses it's character. Becomes a nightmare, outlandish. The streets all look the same. Menacing concrete walls are obstructing my view. Trees are rustling, whispering behind my back. Puddles the colour of oil are seeping round corners. My breath is tumbling out my mouth, condensing to mist in the bitter cold. It’s freezing; the cold is weaving through the fabric of my gloves, attacking my skin.
I’m exhausted but insomnia won’t allow me to sleep.
I walk past a club, booming music vibrates the ground, threatening anyone who walks over it. Drunken women cackle, tripping in stilettos.
Looming buildings are ahead- unrecognizable. I enter a square; a giant cage. I'm on different territory, don’t belong here. I'm lost. Already, how pathetic. I feel like a puppet wondering aimlessly, strings tugging at my limbs nudging me in random directions.
So big. So unlike home. This is my home now. I chose to go. I had to run. No choice. So I took an escape route, stumbled out here.
Ask for directions? Too scared. Buy something? Too skint. Call home? Too late. Is that a drop of rain? Should have never have run away.