My shadow

By andrew-evans

Sun, 01 Mar 2009
  • 1576 reads
6 comments
 

My shadow,
always next to me,
my life long friend
telling his stories to me,
battles with pirate lords
and saves damsels;
I wish I could be
more like my shadow,
not just some
whacked-out sado;
I would stay up all night
and some times till day-break,
just sitting
and listening
to my shadow,
my hero.
But now he's gone;
he walked out the door;
he's not behind me
anymore.

Certificate U
Poem
Fantasy

Comments

Submitted by andrew-evans on
i wrote this poem to try and symbolise how our childhood just disapears, all those days fantasizing about great rescuses all leave us with maturity. I used the shadow to represent a child's fantasy's, but also i used a shadow because in the poem the shadow leaves even though in reality it doesn't, so this was supposed to imply that inside we are still all children

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Disappears has one 's; inside it, and you don't need those commas on every line! J x

 

Submitted by jennifer on
But you do need SOME - I wasn't implying you had to remove them all!!! J x

 

Submitted by andrew-evans on
where would you suggest then? (i do it at the end of everyline to signify the beginning of a new line)

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Yes but the line breaks do that for you! Use punctuation where it makes sense, just as in prose-writing! Note: 'stories', capital 'I' always, Here: My shadow, always next to me, my life long friend telling his stories to me, - -ies! battles with pirate lords and saves damsels; - tenses! I wish I could be - capital I more like my shadow, - my not just some whacked-out sado; - hyphen I would stay up all night - capital I and some times till day-break, - hyphen just sitting and listening to my shadow, my hero. - full-stop here But now he's gone; he walked out the door; he's not behind me anymore. Does that help? J x

 

Submitted by jennifer on
Yes, much better! J x