Oh Baby.

By Miirona_ox

Thu, 05 Feb 2009
  • 500 reads
2 comments
 

Baby I want to stay in love with you
but everytime we fight
I lose the desire to make it right.
In the depths of despair
it really isn't fair.
Everything loses its sense.
I wait in suspence
please don't take any offence
coz I want to let go but I can't
I try and try to keep our love alive
but even you knew we wouldn't survive.

I always waited in line
like a student with their assaign.
In the massive queue
to find out that your feelings ain't true,
that sex is all you ever wanted,
and you made me fault it
day and night.
You told me it's going to be alright
the future will be bright
we will make it alright tonight.
I wanted to be polite
I agreed but yet

all I did was regret
the night that we made love.

Certificate 15
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by jennifer on
I like the phrasing of: 'sex is all you ever wanted, and you made me fault it day and night.' However, why capitalise some 'I's but not others? Go one way or the other, but technically a small 'i' is incorrect use of the English language. Also, I think you mean 'lose' not 'loose' in the first stanza. And what do you mean by 'assaign'? This has potential, but I think you need to check your work more carefully before posting, J x

 

Submitted by Miirona_ox on
Thanks. Yeah I meant 'lose'. I don't have microsoft word on my laptop so I don't have spell check whatsoever. Also by the 'assaign' I meant like homework. Teachers usually take ages to collect and check your work and then you find out that you need to redo it anyway as you've got something wrong there. Mizz_ox

Mizz_ox