My Dark Side

“Always think of the dark side” the tutor said.

Everyone in the room bustled and fidgeted to get comfortable. There were a few coughs and some rustling of paper. The noise was a bit like that from an audience in those few precious seconds between the conductor mounting the rostrum and starting to conduct.

“OK everyone? Ready?” the tutor asked.

From the dark corners of a handbag or pocket came the call of a lonely mobile phone. Brrrr. Brrrr. Brrrr. To the sound of the Mexican Hat Dance.

“Switch it off please and anyone else who has a mobile….please make sure it is switched off before we begin” the tutor remonstrated.

After some more rustling in pockets and bags everyone settled down again.

In a soothing voice the tutor then said “Please start and don’t forget about the dark side”.

I focused my eyes on a tree just outside the window. My line of vision took me over the heads of the other people in the room. I concentrated hard and after a few minutes I felt myself lock into a fixed position. I didn’t have to think anymore about how I was sitting. I was then able to start thinking about other things.

Immediate thoughts about the day to day panics swirled around my mind. Had I filed the accounts earlier today? Did I switch on the answering machine before closing the office? Did I complete the electronic banking work? In my mind I could clearly answer “yes” to all of these questions. What had once been major became minor and then irrelevant to the immediacy of the here and now.

I started to playback my life in my mind. There was nothing really dark or sinister coming through that would secure me an entry permit to Satan’s exclusive club. A broad brush stroke of doubt slashed across my mind. Could my perception of good and evil be different to the people around me? If it was, did I really have a dark side that I did not know about?

A jolting pang of guilt shot through my mind. Several years ago I hurt a young lady quite badly. I cringed as I went through this episode in my life and its enveloping circumstances. I tried to clear my conscience on the basis that she had actually hurt me quite badly earlier. Despite this, I could still not justify the emotional revenge I wrecked upon her. There was nothing dark and sinister about this. It was just an act of sheer selfishness and stupidity.

In the tree outside the window the branches were made to dance by the gale force winds. They did not move smoothly with waltz like elegance but with involuntary jerks and spasms. A small cluster of leaves and branches took centre stage in my field of vision. Every so often they contorted into a cadaverous looking face with an open mouth and wet bark for lips. It looked at me laughingly.

“You’ve forgotten something” the arboreal mouth called to me.

Searching my deepest emotional recesses, I could not find anything really dark from my past. I returned my concentration to the dancing leaves and branches.

“Just checking” the same mouth sneered back at me.

The wind reached a Wagnerian crescendo with rain lashing and thrashing around the building. Briefly the cadaverous face in the tree looked at me shaking its contorted expressions.

“Come on! You haven’t tried. Find it!” the face contorted at me.

Those were the last words of the face. A gust of wind ripped at the leaves and its facial mask rushed off in the autumn gale to be next year’s mulch. The storm subsided and my tormentor had disappeared with the tempest. The skies lightened and a shaft of sunlight crossed the silent room.

“OK” the tutor said “times up and before I look at your paintings and drawings could I thank our model for sitting so still while you did your work…..Now let’s look at your paintings”.