Drawing truth

Rum, rice, fire here, outside ice,
comfortable, warm, feel reassured,
I unzip my book, take out my pens,
& embroider my truth to the pages.

Pull my knees and feet off the floor,
pick up my half-full bottle of rum,
eating my rice, study my truths,
now only to cover them up, shame.

Colour, my new self, green & black,
Curls and curves, thick lines of deceit,
no truths of inside on my disguise now,
perhaps a little red just as a warning.

Fire crackles out, too warm to step out,
pull a warm fleece around me, squash up,
empty my bottle, ah, put down my rice,
Put my head on one side of my book ...

Smoke curls from my window, a chill stirrs,
sweeps up my shoulders, bristles it's fur.
I can't, hardly bear, to open my eyes,
feeling a presence, you cannot disguise.

The tip, of my pen, has dug into my hand,
red ink, sinking into, my little finger,
I let go, try to move slow, tense and
now, you've come, far too close, you dare.

You took my memory, left me none the wiser,
tore out my mercy, trust, love and care.
For all the healing, medicine and curing,
anyone couldn't help, I just lay there.

I see red on my hand, in the dark, I think,
what have you done, this time, assumption,
confusion, conclusion to jump to, not sorry,
though I no longer care, I can't help myself.

I can pull my strength from years of resent,
I can hide my pages of truth from your mind,
I can push you out, away from me, throwing,
you away, now I'm safe, strong and alone.

Close my window, check all the doors,
pick up my pictures, on my all fours,
shaking now easing, cats ate my rice,
fell asleep too easy, rum my demise.