Meet you at the elephant at 3.00

I could just make out the words of her note, inadvertently indented onto the notepad below the torn-out page: "Meet you at the elephant at three."

If she'd send him a text like any normal person I'd never have found out.

It was just after one. If I left immediately I could get to the zoo before them. I got my coat.

Carrie had a thing for elephants, ever since she was a little girl. The sheer size of them amazed her; it was like watching a house moving around, she said, a house with a really big nose.

When we started sleeping together she used to make jokes about my 'trunk'. "Jumbo happy today?" she'd ask as she stroked my upcoming erection. "Jumbo want to go to the waterhole?"

She said that the happiest she'd ever been was when her mother had persuaded the keeper to let her sit on the elephant's back and she'd ridden all around the zoo. "It was like walking through the sky," she said, "except sitting down."

She said she'd like to mount jumbo again, just to relive the moment. She certainly seemed happy then.

But then was then.

So I was never in doubt which elephant she meant.

And now was now.

She was meeting her lover outside Jumbo's cage.

I arrived at the zoo in good time. There was no queue so I walked straight in. It was only just gone 2.15. I had ages.

I went to look at the lions, but they were sleeping. Either they'd just fed, or the tame captivity of the zoo made them soporific. I prefer tigers anyway.

Actually, there wasn't much to do in the zoo. The penguins were spending a day at a nearby film studies, stars of a forthcoming film about penguin-like aliens who try to take over the earth. It sounds a terrible idea, but apparently Brad Pitt's in it, so Carrie will want to see it.

I made my way to the elephant's enclosure. It was still hardly 2.30.

The keeper was nowhere to be seen so I was able to get up close to the elephant and feed it some cashews (Jumbo's favourite).

I wasn't sure what I was going to do, what I was going to say, but first I had to catch them together, then I could decide.

I heard laughter, a girlie giggle. It was Carrie, and him, they'd arrived together.

I wanted to catch them kissing before I confronted them, but I was in the middle of the elephant's enclose, they were sure to see me. I decided to hide behind the elephant, after all there aren't many bigger things you can hide behind.

I've been here half an hour now, crouched down behind Jumbo's back leg, while she feeds him cashews and giggles at the trunk tickling her hand.

Her brother left ten minutes ago. Yes, her brother, sorry I should have trusted her. I forgot that she sometimes meets him here. In fact, I think he was on the elephant's back with her when they were kids, it's not just Carrie's elephant it's his too.

I can't come out now. She'd freak out, know that I didn't trust her, had followed her, had hidden behind her favourite elephant. Suddenly I'm the guilty party.

The trouble is that if the elephant takes a step back I'll be crushed. It might kill me, or might just leave me crippled, either way not a pleasant situation to be in.

I just have to hope that Carrie runs out of nuts soon.