Mourning Thoughts

As I watched you sleeping this morning,
for a very short while imagined
if you weren’t there.

My life would have turned differently,
ending incomprehensibly in a place
where you don’t exist.

While I dwelt in this dawning darkness,
I felt the knife I wasn’t holding
twist in your breast.

Blood you didn’t bleed poured out
across the white linen we share,
making art in your death.

Then your eyes opened and captured me,
rending me powerless again,
under your control

until you sleep once more.