I know ...

I wake up at 4.00am.
The walls are closing in.

Those damn walls are a l w a y s closing in.

Every morning
Every night
Day
In
Day
Out

Trying to squish me.
Trying to contain me.
Trying to beat me.

I know …

Closer they come …

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Until I am finally entombed in my very own personal coffin, decorated with the ghastly purple flock wallpaper, courtesy of Edith’s little foray into decorating back in the 70’s.

I know their ways.
I will NOT be beaten.
I am wise to their little games.

I struggle to breathe.

They are laughing now.
Laughing at me.
Me.
Always.
Every bloody morning.
Laughing at me.

I know …

Experience and patience has taught me that if I lie very still and control my breathing, the walls will begin to retract, slowly at first, then faster and faster and faster, until they are back where they belong.

As they settle back into place the taunting stops and calm is restored.

For now.

I slowly drag myself out of bed and make my way over to the sink in the corner.
It’s such a relief to be able to relieve myself at last.

Now what’s that I can feel?

Movement?

Movement?

I look around for a toilet.

Where the hell has it gone?

Have they taken that away as well?

Is nothing sacred anymore?

Then I see it over by the window.

Exactly where I left it last night.

Panic over.

I hobble over and pick up the toilet, position it over my bottom, making sure to hold the handles firmly around the front, I then squat at a 90 degree angle and begin to excrete. As soon as the job is done, I tie up the handles and throw it into the corner of the room, next to the old oak wardrobe.

Edith loves the intricate carvings on this monstrous piece of furniture.

I don’t.

After my morning ablutions, coincidently, this is when the odours begin to seep through. Just like they do every morning and every night. They think that I cannot smell them but I am on to their game. They cannot fool me.

I know …

This morning though, I am ready. Prepared. Armed and dangerous. Impenetrable. I have been practising the Stralewitz Technique for 3 weeks now, and I feel strong enough to put everything that I have learned into practice.

They say that knowledge is power, well here goes.

I close my eyes and starting at 100, begin to count backwards, all the while trying to disassociate from the putrid smell that continues to assault my senses. Wave after wave of the vile evil stench, infiltrating every pore, and every orifice of my very being. The air is tawdry and thick. Threatening in it’s intensity. I begin to cough and splutter. Phlegm and mucus begin to arrive in their familiar tandem. They hang there, suspended like ancient stalactites, awaiting the moment of freedom and release. Crystallised, cocooned and conforming to the ancestry of their wanton ways. It causes me to grin as they gracefully begin to fall.

Plop.

Plop.

Plop.

When they touch the floor they slither away, knowingly.

78
77
76

This morning’s metamorphosis is now starting to take shape. What magical wonders will today behold, pray tell? I can see them from the corner of my better eye, over in the corner, gaining power and momentum. Transforming. Merging. Shapes are becoming visible. More defined. Menacing.

What have I done to deserve such hatred?

56
55
54

The army is forming. Legions are lining up in neat little rows of six. I can see the remnants of me and Edith in each and every one of them. Subtle little clues that only those in the know could and would understand. The turn of a head. The twitch of a nose. The smirk!

34
33
32

EDITH …

EDITH …

EDITH …

12
11
10

They begin to advance. Marching in that tried and tested way. I begin to feel nauseas and light headed. My head is now swimming in a vast lake of lucidity and subservience. Swirling and twirling in an alien void inhabited only by fear and retribution. I feel myself subsiding. Surrendering. I will submit soon. I am running out of strength. Once upon a time my resolve was strong enough to keep them at bay. There were many battles fought with me as the obvious victor. We have had some fun over the years.

I vividly remember the night of the Silver Jubilee when they tried to lure my Edith away from me.

Can you imagine that?

5
4
3

They have me surrounded. There is nowhere to turn. All angles have been covered today.

Why have they changed direction?

Is today special?

Significant?

The stench is suffocating. It is painting my flock walls and beginning to creep along the ceiling. I have to think. I have not been beaten yet.

I must protect my Edith.

I quickly scan the room. The Stralewitz Technique recommended this but only as a last resort. When backed into a corner. When all hope has gone. Never let them beat you. Never. Always be the victor. I locate the object and unscrew the top. I am immediately engulfed by the toxic fumes. I scatter the contents of the object around the room. This is difficult to execute because of the legions of evil that are homing in on me. I am treading blind in the fog and the mist. They didn’t bargain on my determination though.

I smile and claim the final victory

2

1

I light the match

I know ...