Pen Laws

Pen Laws

As a consequence of leaked reports concerning rifts between the two coalition leaders, the government has announced sweeping new pen laws.

To qualify for a pen licence certain terms and conditions must now be met.

No one earning less than 2K a week will be allowed to hold a licence.

In regards to a recent bout of tragic mass misspellings, no one with dyslexia will be considered for a licence unless they can spell: redactophobia, gargalesthesia, remplissage, and hobnob.

All pens must be kept under lock and key in steel cabinets securely bolted to a solid wall. All ink must be kept in a separate location.

Automatic and semiautomatic nibbed pens are to be banned, as are cheap imported Biros from Eastern Europe and China.

Left handed pens are to be banned. With the exception of pen clubs.

Pen pals will face MI6 interrogation under existing anti terrorist legislation.

The sale of rulers, protractors and compasses from newsagents will be outlawed from September 1st when a blank paper tax will also be introduced.

The government is also considering a keyboard tax where each letter will have an individual taxable value in a similar fashion to Scrabble. The words Wankers and Tossers will be a triple tax score.