In Her Eyes ( continued )

Working behind a bar means a lot of smiling, sometimes it feels so much effort. I feel a little like a clown with a garish overly bright smile painted on.

"Typical bloody woman" Mark grinned. I picked up one of the other newspapers lying on the bar and handed it to him.
"Thanks love" He said putting the paper down infront of him "But i'm not quite the lover of gossip that you are."
"Well I know that" I laughed "I thought you might want the football pages."
"You really are the barmaid that keeps givin' aren't ya?"
I gave him a grin and then a curtsy "Well I aim to please. Here at the queens Arms we aim like to ensure customer satisfaction at all times."
Mark leered at me over the bar "Oh yes, I wouldn't mind a bit of satisfaction!"
"Your mind is in the gutter young man!" I replied.
Mark raised his arms in mock innocence "All I'm saying is anytime you want to give me a bit of satisfaction, I'll be right here!"
I tutted in annoyance "Rude boy!"
Mark gave another wink before he finally wandered away, paper in his hand.

I watched him walk away for a moment before I turned my attention back to my paper.

So I wondered what people would say about me. I knew what my mother would say. I could guess what the customers thoughts would be,but what about everyone else?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized my description would be similiar to this girls. Filled with people who had decided my personality in a few mornings passed on the street. For some people its obvious they have problems,but what of all those others? What about those who get up each and every morning, clean the house,go to work, cook dinner, what about those people? What about those women who put on their make-up, the mask of their choice, what about those people?

The woman in the paper had a lot of make-up on; clearly she used the same mask I did. I was lost without mine. It didn't matter to me if it came off during the day, I I didn't care about that, I just cared that I had put it on in the first place. Without putting a face on before leaving the house I felt vulnerable, listless. Thoughout the day it never occured to me, but we all have out habits and quirks. This just happens to be one of mine ,one of many I hasten to add that I can't explain.

On the surface of it we didn't seem to have too much in common,with the exception of the overuse of make-up. She was a tall beautiful blonde, not the type of woman you could miss. I was a short brunette and although I've been told I'm attractive its hard to judge yourself fairly. Out names were similiar, hers was Stephanie,mine Samantha,Sam to my friends. We were a similiar age, she was twenty five, I was twenty three. We both struggled with depression that much was clear. Small coincidences. From the newspaper article she seemed to have everything going for her. She had a good job, a seemingly nice family, she was beautiful, what more could she have needed? In a strange way I felt almost envious. I wondered how I could get by when in comparision I had so little.