Very good decision

I hope when you look at me,
you think, complete.
She is someone whose credit, balances,
she likes socialising,
remembers birthdays
says meaningful things
always answers her mobile
especially if it’s a family member.

I hope when you look at me,
you think, good at affection,
remembers to give back borrowed books,
makes excellent playlists,
does not take jokes personally
does not waste wages,
wishes her exes love on their wedding day.

I hope when you look at me,
you think, very good decision,
she has thought about what it would be like
to lose everything and values her belongings,
but could also be a bhuddist
and give everything to charity.

I hope when you look at me
you think she knows about the boundaries,
she does not buy clothes from Primark
and in front of the mirror,
ignore the tiny fingers in turn for pretty patterns,
does not queue in supermarkets,
eavesdropping and judging family dynamics.

I hope when you look at me
you think, if I was her friend
she would let me know her,
if I was her sister, she would make sure
I felt accompanied,
if I was her lover she would kiss me and it would feel like a beginning.

I hope when you look at me,
you think, she copes with everything,
she breaks behaviour patterns
with dignified clarity, she does not get messy feelings
she is not a sentimental ex, she keeps compartments.

I hope when you look at me
you think, she soaks chickpeas
she takes vitamins
she has made a decision
between home security or an alsation at a Thetford Forest party.

I hope when you look at me,
you see someone who does not
sabotage their own ambition
someone who needs to turn the things she thinks, outside
like a matron airing hallways,
someone who hears sirens and thinks
this will probably affect me,
someone who doesn’t think,
each person that lives in this house after me
will know I once lived here.

Someone who doesn’t listen in their bedroom
to sudden rain,
and think, film of my life pathetic fallacy,