That money would have turned you into a bastard

It'll turn out to be for the best
that you didn’t put a pound in Greg’s tin,
and said ‘I’m in,’
like you’ve done every week for the last 8 years.

The begging letters would have started to get irritating,
even though it’s always nice to get something in the post.

Do you remember three Fridays ago
queueing for half an hour at the Codfather
when the lady behind you noticed you were wearing bright yellow socks
and asked where you’d bought them
because they were exactly what she wanted to buy for her son.

Do you remember when that barmaid gave you too much change
and you didn’t say anything because she’s always been such a bitch
and that feeling of paying with a fiver
and getting £7.20 back
and a pint,
well those days would be over.

Maybe it was the statistics that got you in the end:

- There is more chance of meeting Paul O’Grady this week
than matching just two numbers.

- You are more likely to be hit by a falling double bass from the sky
than winning £10.

- Not one person has ever won the lottery.

- The likelihood of there being an afterlife is identical to your odds of winning the lottery
to seven decimal places
and there are several books written to prove
that this is a coincidence.

and that's why you thought 'From now on
I'm going to save my pound.'

That way you get to save £52 a year.
You can have a bloody good night out for that
get a subscription to Viz?
Four brand new DVDs.

The rest of the syndicate will have moved into mansions in Cheshire by now
racing quad bikes around their estates
as their fancy kitchens are being rebuilt.

but soon they’ll be bored and fat
and not appreciate socks at Christmas
a win on the fruit machine.
Take this opportunity to look around at all you’ve got, which is a lot
and just be grateful for that.