MILES OF LONELINESS

Hi Deepanker Saxena, this is such a beautiful read, full of meaning. Jenny.

Hi there Deepanker Saxena, Overall this piece has a nice flow to it and the subject matter is very well expressed, to the point that I am unsure whether the absent lover is temporarily absent or permanently absent either as a result of death or a one-sided desire to end the relationship. I can find cifferent layers of meaning in each of the three alternatives and merit in each one too. I would make one comment for you to consider but it is no more than that so please feel free to ignore if you disagree in any way at all. The line 'Sitting alone gazing at own shadow,' feels unnaturally forced in comparison with the smooth flow of the rest of the verse. this is because to me the natural flow of English feels as if it has been sacrificed to the requirements of poetic devices. I can see that the use of 'own' and 'alone' create a soniv reverberation in the line but think that if this is the case then I feel as if you need 'my own'. Irealise that this changes the syllable count and therefore changes the overall beat of the poem but even so, I feel that it is a smoother read. All best wishes Dave