the buck starts here

By sonora

Thu, 28 Apr 2011
  • 1353 reads
5 comments
 

i remember the eyes of children
strung out on wires

i remember the thighs of mothers
feeding the fires
i remember the sighs of fathers
gathering the bones of their families in hessian sacks
stumbling through the graveyards of europe
paying passage to the promised land
with their wits and their mouths and their memories
with barely a dollar to rub together
for a cup of cold comfort coffee
because the buck starts here

Certificate PG
Poem
The Machinery of the Moment
Other Fiction

Comments

Submitted by Gilbert on
Some evocative lines here, but I think you have to decide whether to go with the rhyme and metre of the first few lines (eyes, thighs, sighs and wires, fires)or the free form of the rest of the poem. The ending is good-liked the alliteration of "cold comfort coffee".(BTW,would two cents be more appropriate than a dollar?) All the best, D.

Submitted by Highhat on
Well done. Some very powerful lines!

Submitted by kheldar on
A very clever concept, very well delivered. I actually think the transition from metred to free form works well. I don't know if it was intended, but the move from a sort of romanticised description of past events into the nitty gritty of what they were actually about is interesting. I liked this very much. kheldar :--)

cool

Submitted by sonora on
Thanks for your comments guys. The piece was originally written for performance, so the change in form and structure was deliberately done with delivery in mind. The line 'barely a dollar to rub together' doesn't make grammatical sense, but I liked the flow of the words :o> Russell

'Art is not a mirror to reflect reality, but a hammer with which to shape it.'

Submitted by Highhat on
I think that line is perfect Russell- there is poetical licence anyway. ;)Pia