A Maggy-Morning (IP)

I cycled home in my pajamas which wasn’t very classy but I just spent a lot of money on some really nice shower gel so why would I have a shower at my boyfriend’s who has lots of bottles of axe and one bottle of something that looks like runny pooh and tries to smell of chocolate. Last night was awesome because I made a cake but I was very worried you see, I couldn’t be bothered to make icing from scratch and that meant I needed to buy a tub of icing, the American kind, and it’s so good honestly it’s amazing but what happens is I tell myself to have one sneaky dip and then I end up eating the whole tub. Last time I did that was about three years ago and it was my friend’s birthday and I was in charge of getting the right icing so this other girl could add it to the cake she had spent days slaving over. It was my one job and a pretty simple one so I thought cool I’ll do that, I bought the icing from the American shop because Holland isn’t really known for its cakes in fact I skip the cake at most Dutch birthdays because what they do is bake a normal sponge cake (doesn’t sound too bad so far) but THEN they stuff bits of pineapple into it and other nasty fruit and then they top this hideous excuse for a cake with whipped cream. So anyway, I bought the tub of icing for the girl, put it in the fridge but decided hey, I spent a lot of money on this thing I might as well taste a bit and then a bit became a lot and I shrunk onto my kitchen floor with a stomach full of sugar. That was embarrassing because at the time I had a lot of typical teenage girl issues about feeling fat and finishing a whole tub of icing really wasn’t going to help that situation and wow, I just realized I’ve spent my time talking about past things and this is supposed to be about my day now and also in Kerouac style who wrote about cool things, about being free and doing drugs and having sex and here I am talking about icing. Lame. Well after baking a cake I did go to party type thing at a hippie surf camp which is a pretty big deal because I don’t really go out that much because I hate crowds and mobs and mosh pits and I get really anxious and the sky starts spinning and I start to see black dots and I feel like everyone wants to crush me but I’ve got medication for that and a general better feeling about my life so I can handle it all and yesterday I didn’t feel like anyone wanted to crush me. And today, I’m in a very uncrushable place, my dad’s living room and I’m watching movies and editing bits and bobs and reading my screenwriting book which is becoming a pain because it keeps mentioning films I haven’t seen so I’ve made a list of all the films I need to see and I can’t even begin to describe how long that list is, maybe I’ll have finished it by the time I’m fifty but maybe not because I keep adding to it and now I’ll stop writing because this has become a long chunk of text a bit like my list of movies but not quite because that list is REALLY long.