Carmine Kisses
By Silver Spun Sand
Sat, 07 Jan 2012
- 4505 reads
22 comments
Fumbles with the key
strung around his neck...
it falls to the ground
as tiny fingers pick it up.
The door groans open.
“Anybody there?” he calls;
does it every time, although
he knows mumbled echoes
will be his only answer.
Takes off his shoes
in the soft-shuttered
shadows of a sullen
afternoon, and how,
very much, he wants
his mother to be home.
Removes his coat – delves
deep inside his pocket...
falls at his feet, a greying
tissue; the one she’d used
to blot her lipstick, before
she’d said, ‘Goodbye’,
that day. The special one –
the one he’d been keeping
with the carmine kiss on,
she’d wiped his cheek with...
and dabbed his tears away.
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Comments
Indrani Ananda Very
Permalink Submitted by Indrani Ananda on
Indrani Ananda
Very endearing, Tina. It's just how a young boy would be. You've captured it perfectly.
Indrani.
Indrani Ananda
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Lovely vignette that says so
Permalink Submitted by hilary west on
Lovely vignette that says so much!
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such a sad tale of a son
Permalink Submitted by skinner_jennifer on
such a sad tale of a son missing his mother, I love
the way you describe him opening the door and
calling out, "Anybody there?" and all he hears is
mumbled echoes.
Thankyou for sharing this one Tina.
Jenny.
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Superb I was heart beating
Superb I was heart beating loud and holding my breath. You did it SSS.
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Really made me sad to read
Really made me sad to read about this latchkey child- poor little thing.You certainly got the feeling across to me Tina. well done
;)Pia
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Very sad:key around his neck
Permalink Submitted by gerardineanne on
Very sad:key around his neck and tiny fingers show his vulnerability.Liked your 'soft-shuttered shadows'
very much.
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Beautiful work!
Beautiful work! Particularly loved the alliteration of : 'Takes off his shoes/ in the soft-shuttered/ shadows of a sullen /afternoon
Gorgeous!
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new
Permalink Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Silver-Spun-Sand
Thoroughly enjoyed sad
how the boy calls no one there!
Such a beautiful way saing all the writer.
Yep! six of us latch key kids,mainly key left
under brick,save mum up and down opening the door
was safe to do then. You have painted a picture so well. So often happened in those times too.
julie x
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Love that second stanza,
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Love that second stanza, Tina! Some beautiful lines in this one. A very tender and poignant portrait :-)
Magic xxx
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Very touching and strangely
Very touching and strangely sad. I'm curious as to what incident inspired the poem, a tragedy or did mom leave him and go to Las Vegas for the weekend.
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Takes off his shoes in the
Takes off his shoes
in the soft-shuttered
shadows of a sullen
afternoon
You know I love beautiful lines like that Tina - more superb writing. :-)
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