Gendarmes at Dawn

‘What’s that noise?’ My wife she said,
as we lay within our nice warm bed
I asleep, she awake, I calm my heart,
and rest my head
Upon the pillow so soft and warm,
The sheets like us are old and thin
But what the hells’ that god-awful din?

Blue lights flash, stabbing at the dawn’s pale countenance
In France, Gendarmes rule in total confidence
Sirens loud though there’s no traffic to warn in this quiet backwater
Screech to a stop, sharp words, French, one Gendarme to the other

“What’s going on?” I mumble in my sleepy state;
silent scream stifled, it can wait.
She twitches curtains, peers through them dour,
“Lord,” she says, “Police, at our front door.”

I rise and step beside her, a row of blue-clad officers bent double;
On knees they search the garden – Looking for what we cannot tell,
But search they do, and oh so well.

“They’re coming near!” she says, the alarm grows in her sweet head
True enough, there they are.
A grey-haired Officer with his side-kicks growing close
They ring our bell. We look at to the other all aghast.
What can I do? I nearly ask
‘Go get it,’ she takes control, then pushes me to take the stroll,
Down the stairs across the room. I answer to the morning’s gloom

“Oui?” said I all coy and innocent, they rush at me now I’m doomed but querulant

Handcuffs click; I’m all wrapped up,
In chains again, I’m doomed, marooned

My poor dear Ruby, I didn’t think it would lead to this
In France it seems, red squirrels by Law and Force,
They are revered, elected, selected, and protected
They punish here those not too careful
And just because I had that drunken skin-full.

The alternative title to this poem: ‘Ruby’s revenge!’