and you chose to sleep.... well good fucking night

Their was a word that triggered it all
And althought I don't remember the word I remember my life
I remember what happend
I remember his face
The way he loved it.
The way I cried.
This word echoes in me and it makes me sick
Yet I can't say it out laud.
And so I tell you what happened
I tell you why I am the way I am
I tell you why I'm distant
You said you knew me
That you figured me out
So mutch that you didn't care for my past
You chose to sleep
While I lie at 2:43 am crying kicking and screaming inside
Because the word triggered my memory
Something that I blocked out for more than 12 years
I re-live in my head.
Why would they do that to me?
I was 3!
What kind of sick fuck is he!
But he wasn't the only one their was another sir
And they a younger miss
The 3 that so rudely fucked up my life for 15 to 20 minutes of pleasure...
And you chose to sleep
Yet I can't leave him
He literally owns me
My tears may run through my face
And you won't care
My heart can ache
And you won't care
Yet you make me stay
If their was one that hit me and frightend me
You hurt me worse
Because now your added to the list of misserable fucks that decided to fuck up my life for 15 to 20 minutes of pleasure.
And so I lie in bed crying because I can't do anything but try to forget all over again
I'm a coward I will never comfront them.....
I never knew why I was mad....... I never knew why I had hatred in me...I never knew why I didn't bleed our fist time... until that word triggered my memory
And it made me run
It made me hide
It made me cry
It took my breath
And broke my heart
And so I call you
Because I need to talk
Its eating me alive
And I cry out for your help...and you chose to sleep.... and I come here and I tipe because some will read and maybe not understand but out of the handful of people that live without a haunting memory maybe one understands me.....