Lucid

By BlackInk

Wed, 21 Nov 2012
  • 1513 reads
9 comments
 

You thy lucid;
Yet ignorant to the unambiguous fact you fuse translucence.
Intelligibly diaphanous;
Such delicate marrow deemed to compel innermost your frail frame; they interior you contain remarks thy strongest compact and cancellous bones.
You adhere to my pleas to delve in thy bare unraveling; yet never reconnoiter discomfiture; only furthermore revere thy impurities, never to be opine nor inquired; only ruminated with superiorly intent.
Obdurate at ease in your labyrinth; eternally perplexed by your formation of intoxicating thy; as though my H2O correspondingly bends with THC.
I yearn to aspire they paramount irreplaceable virtue of living immovable within your perceptions.
Wholeheartedly I subconsciously am aware of thy bowed to your flawless infrastructure.
I do not extract covetousness; lone ambitions for thy and humanity.
You are an intricate perpetual warren; incomprehensibly unfathomable.
I am a simple puzzle piece expeditiously elucidated effortlessly.
Take thy.

Certificate 18
Poem
My poetry
Love

Comments

Submitted by The Walrus on
To me, BlackInk, this reads like something from bygone times, I don't know if that was your intention. It's like reading Shakespeare, it might be good if you bother to keep flicking through a dictionary to look up the more unusual words, but most folk never get to find out. If I were you I'd post a few things in more accessible language, then you'll attract reads and comments.

Submitted by BlackInk on
Very true. I have more simplified writing I'm planning on posting. I know there are many big words in this piece; I do not always use them. I wrote this wanting it to be complex and something you have to really process, alike the woman I wrote this about. Thank you for your critique, it is much appreciated. c: -Cole

-Cole

Submitted by scratch on
BlackInk it's got nothing to do with the size of the words (big words) it's got everything to do with the choice, placement and the context. This reads as if written by someone enjoying studying classic literature (Shakespeare) for a high school course and inspired enough to give vent to a burgeoning literary ambition by emulating the course content. And there is nothing wrong with that - Shakespeare himself carved a great career by emulating others. I want you to turn your talent (which seems large given this effort) to providing us with something from your heart, couched in accessible, contemporary language. Welcome to the site.

 

Submitted by BlackInk on
Thank you. I know the wording is quite perplexing and hard to understand. I've never actually dove into reading Shakespeare, it's just a style of writing I use on occasion. Not all of my work sounds this complex and metaphoric. As for without the concept of wording, what did you think of it as a whole? -Cole

-Cole

Submitted by BlackInk on
Oh, by the way, if you have a chance to read some of my other work (although it may not be a lot because there is a 3 limit posting per day), you can see that I do not use this writing style much. -Cole

-Cole

Submitted by scratch on
Having said that there are some high point in 'Lucid'. I like the image of fusing translucence. The fourth line whilst a little jarring is very good. Fifth line concellous (cancellous) Sixth line pleads (pleas)

 

Submitted by BlackInk on
I will be sure to fix the wording. Thank you. c: -Cole

-Cole

Submitted by Richard L. Prov... on
Hello BlackInk---always ask yourself, who is my audience? I keep reading, the average education of any reader is grade nine, which of course is a little different one way or the other depending on the area. You come across as a very intelligent and well read person. All the best. Richard LP
Richard L. Provencher

Submitted by BlackInk on
Thank you. c: -Cole

-Cole