Ghosts (Prologue: Heroes)

Prologue:
Heroes

“We don’t need another hero
We don’t need another way home”
--Tina Turner

“Hypocrisy made paramount, paranoia the law
My name is called religion, sadistic sacred whore”
--Motorhead

This is for you, Arthur. I am hoping that one day you can read this and understand your father some. I know you don’t understand me now. I can tell you of all the good I try to do, but I feel you are yet too young to learn of other things. If you are reading this, then you are grown, as I would not have you read it at your present age. For me to merely point out my positive attributes and ignore the negative would be a lie from which neither of us would profit in the least. To truly know me, you have to know all of me, including what some would refer to as the “bad” parts of my behavior.

I don’t consider myself a hero by any stretch or even misuse of the word. A hero would do the things that I do for the benefit of others and solely for that purpose. A hero would do the things I do for the betterment of mankind, or some such shit. A hero would never do some of the other things I do in my “off” time. No, heroes are a far greater species than me.

I do these things partly as a penance to what I have made the living of this world endure at my hands. In a way it is a vicious circle. If I were not subject to the nightmarish entities of this realm, I would not behave in such a ludicrous fashion. Well, maybe I would to lower ends and be nothing for it. But, I can give back, and in a way I do. Only no gratitude is shown me, as very few know what I do, what I see, what I have to deal with. Maybe it is not even for the furtherance of the living at all, but the dead. Most conflicts I have resolved have no consequences for the living and only the tortured and damned see any advantage.

In comic books, and to a lesser extent other forms of reading and media the hero is superhuman, not just in his actions, but in his thoughts. He is what men desire or pretend to be, but he is an illusion, a fictional attempt to make us strive to be something better. The hero will face dilemmas, but the fictional ultimatums he is given are mere fantasy on the part of his creator. No choice between primal urges and morality plague these superhumans. The choices are as superficial as the imaginary entities that tend to make them.

Sure, many people engage in acts of heroism. Often they will be counted a hero for such actions, often but not always, involved in saving a life. What do we really know of such people otherwise? The fireman who pulled an old man from a burning building who enjoys masturbating to images of children on his computer at night, is he a hero? The police officer that prevented a robbery and possibly saved the lives of the twenty people in the bank that day by gunning down the perpetrator, then went home and raped the woman in the apartment next to his, is he a hero? The soldier, in a supreme act of bravery who saved his entire platoon from slaughter only to gun down innocent civilians two months later in a fit of rage, is he a hero? The gifted athlete who is able to throw balls into a threaded and inconsequentially bottomless basket more often than any other and who makes millions more per year than most people will ever see in their lifetimes, who tells children not to do drugs, who promotes safe sex, who encourages good eating habits, who cheats on his wife with random prostitutes every night he is away from home, is he really a fucking hero? Maybe all these people are just giving back, as penance for other things.

Would the Christian behave as a Christian if not for the fear of everlasting hellfire and damnation in condemnation of poor or un-Christian behavior? Would the Buddhist be so kind to others without fear of karma and forthcoming retribution for his actions? Would the Muslim, (forgive my lack of political correctness but I could give a shit less when it comes to the blind stupidity people show when they cease to be human and merely become part of the flock) really forfeit his own life in an attempt at mass murder, if he didn’t think he had all those wet and ripe virgin thighs waiting for him in some demented and obscure version of fucking paradise?

Heroes are few and far between, and if I were to be honest with you in the telling of this, I’m not sure they exist. I have seen the nature of man in all its decadence and selfish, self-gratifying, and self-serving behavior. What those who engage in horrific deeds do not know is that they will most likely pay a price for such behavior just like their religion is telling them, although not in the prescribed manner that they are taught. People will do nice things for others, but all for selfish purposes. They want something from others, so their benevolence is a mere mask they wear to achieve desired ends to their pathetic wants and disillusioned needs. I relate to that. I am sewn from the same cloth of humanity that makes us all similar in that regard. Well… all save one.

I also do the things I do for her. I didn’t necessarily do so in the beginning, but I do now. She is part of the reason I deal with the damned, the haunts, specters, and true nightmarish forms of all misshapen and wanton thoughts. These things are real, as real as the brain in your skull or the earth beneath your feet. She was real too, and still is in a certain sense, although she is now dead. It is possible that she is more than a mere ghost and she may very well be of a higher order. I just have a feeling in my gut, a feeling I’ve learned to accept as part of my “gift,” that she was once mortal like you and I and she has now gone beyond the mortal realm. She leads me, guides me, pushes me forward unto what end I know not fully yet.

I don’t know her name. I am not sure that she is of the same sort of ghosts I tend to see all about me. Sure, they are all different in certain respects, making much of what theories the living have of the dead to be true. She is even more different and unique, a true and wondrous apparition to gaze upon with my living eyes. I call her Violet, due to her strikingly brilliant and purplish eyes. She might be a goddess of sorts; certainly her beauty would rival that of Aphrodite herself.

I love her. Anyone, either of this world or the next must love her once the warmth of her dead, pale smile is shown. Those fortunate enough to be allowed to see her are very few amongst the living and I am unfamiliar with what the dead can see. Once she has shown herself to you it is impossible to do anything but love her if you have the slightest shred of decency in you. I am not sure what she was like when she was living, but dead she is truly magnificent to behold. This love that I have for her is as natural as breathing, at least to us still able to breathe. It is untainted by lust or a desire to possess and control. I have to admit that I even tried to lust after her, as is my nature to attempt such things without any meaning, and was physically unable to do so. Her essence is beyond such thoughts and her purity tends to leech out thoughts of normal human consumption in the physical world, but only for a short time.

Arthur, there are things that exist that are far greater than you can possibly imagine. Ghosts are real. Zombies are not what they appear to be in popular films, but they do exist with the same level of cunning that they are typically given credit for. I cannot say the same for vampires, werewolves, and the like, creatures that have invaded pop-culture and as of late seem to be romanticized beyond mere monsters. However, there are real things that go bump in the night. Most of us cannot see them, but I can. Decide for yourself if I am truthful or merely amongst the insane. But please reserve judgment for after you have read all I have to write.

Ghosts are real. But, Arthur, it is not just ghosts that can walk among us. There is something at least partially true about all religions and mythology. There are those above the ghosts, maybe gods, maybe demi-gods, maybe angels. But if the benevolent apparitions are quite real, then what of the malevolent ones? Yes, that holds true as well. as there also exist devils and demons. Please allow me to tell you a tale.

Gawain Gnosta