Craigs Big Surprise

She’d been going out with Craig for six months. He wanted to take her for a meal to celebrate. So here they were at his favourite restaurant, The Harvester. She was here for a completely different reason. She wanted to finish it.

At first she liked his sense of humour. His silly remarks. She used to laugh at them. But now he just seemed like a jerk.

Her new job meant that she mixed with older men. She liked being with them. She liked the way they dressed, suits and ties not jeans, baseball cap and trainers. She liked their confidence. Craig also had confidence, but not in a good way. The men she worked with had maturity, experience, style. They were polite and courteous to her. Sometimes they’d all go out for lunch. The older men would order good food, know which wine to have, used the correct cutlery, unlike Craig who liked to use a spoon instead of a fork.

So tonight she would choose the right time and just tell him. Tell him it’s over. They sat there in silence waiting for the menus. Craig stood up.

“Won’t be a moment babe, just got to take a dump.”

She cringed. The men at work would never, ever, say that kind of thing. She just nodded and waited. He returned a few minutes later.

“That’s a weight off my mind.”

He laughed at his own little joke. She’d heard it a million times. The waiter came over and gave them menus. Craig gave them straight back to him. He knew what he wanted. He always had the same damn thing. The waiter looked confused.

“Are you ready sir?”

She closed her eyes. She knew what he would say.

“Me? I’m always ready mate. Just ask her.”

He laughed, the waiter smiled. She wanted the world to swallow her up.

“I’ll have a big steak and she’ll have the chicken.”

He never even asked her. He never did. He thought it was a man thing to have the steak and a “girlie” thing to have the chicken.

“How would you like it cooked sir?”

Again, she knew what he’d say.

“Just wipe its arse and rip its horns off.”

She’s heard that one a million times before. Again he laughed, she didn’t, nor did the waiter.

“Blue, I have it blue, blue as the ocean.”

“Very good sir.”

The waiter disappeared. She could imagine him telling the whole kitchen what a wanker there was at table nine. The two of them sat there in silence for a few minutes. Then he spoke.

“Six months babe, six months. They said it wouldn’t last and yet here we are celebrating our six months.”

She kept silent. Just nodded. Just biding her time.

Their meals arrived.

The waiter asked if he wanted pepper.

“Give me enough pepper to make a Mexican cry.”

That was a new one; she hadn’t heard that one before. Still didn’t make it funny.

“Would you like to see the wine list sir?”

“No thanks mate, I’ll have a lager and she’ll have a diet coke. Make sure it’s diet; don’t want my babe getting any fatter.”

He winked and grinned at her as though he was doing her a favour by not getting her a regular coke. She wanted to punch him in the face. But not yet.

They started to eat. Craig liked to talk while he ate. Sometimes bits of food would come her way.

“So how’s work then babe, how you getting on with all those old wankers?”

She couldn’t bear to look up at him. She knew it wouldn't be a pleasant sight.

“Yes, it’s good. I like it.”

He started to ramble on about one of his mates at work and how he’d caught a dose in Thailand. She tried to think about something else. She hardly ate anything. Craig finished his meal then leant over, took her plate and finished hers. The waiter came back and smiled at them.

“Is everything okay?”

These words seemed to snap something inside her brain. She stood up. Now was the time. She erupted.

“No it’s not okay. I’ve been with this dick for six months. He’s a moron. He doesn’t even know that I like steak and salmon not chicken, I like a nice glass of Merlot not diet coke, I’m not fat, I’m a size ten. I hate his stupid silly remarks, his foul mouth, his stupid clothes and the way he eats his food. I hate being with him and I never want to see him again!”

She turned and walked out of the Harvester.

Everyone was looking at Craig. He slipped the ring back into his pocket.