Larry and Mick Stumble Upon Mega City Justice

"That was a long sleep," said Larry.

"Indeed," said Mick.

Larry opened the curtains. "Oh crikey!"

"What?"

"A futuristic city appears to have been built around our flat!"

"Oh crikey!" concurred Mick.

***

"What was in that hot chocolate?"

"Dunno, but my bladder feels like a puffa fish!"

When they had both released streams of urine that would shame Niagara, they sat at the kitchen table, drinking tea and eating Hob Nobs.

"If," said Larry, "we have slept through over a century, how come the Hob Nobs and tea are still fresh?"

"I fear," said Mick, "that is an unanswerable question."

Larry peered at Mick's iPad. "What have you deduced?"

"We are in Mega City One in the year 2135."

"Where's that?"

"The Eastern Seaboard of North America."

"North America?"

"Don't ask."

***

Larry and Mick went for a post-Hob Nob stroll. Immediately upon exiting their flat (which was on the ground floor, thus avoiding the palaver of descending 200 flights of stairs, on account of the lift being blown to bits in the recent block war), they were assailed by a flying surfer, a very fat man with a wheel under his belly and three giggling teenagers in bouncing bubbles, pursued by three uniformed personages on flying bikes.

"Let's find a cafe," said Larry.

"Rightey-ho," said Mick.

***

"What can I get you boys?" asked the waitress, who was ugly in a way that was clearly a fashion statement.

"It's a day for a Frappuccino," said Larry.

"Tea," said Mick. "Three sugars."

The phenomenally un-comely waitress gasped.

"What?" said Mick.

"NO SUGAR HERE!" said the waitress. Then under her breath: "(There's a judge outside...)"

"A ju-?"

"TEA WITH THREE TABS OF SWEETO COMING RIGHT UP!"

"And a Frappuccino," said Larry.

***

He stood there, by the window. Looking... awesome. Not in an "awesome, dude!" way, but properly awesome. Scary, confident. His uniform was dark. His helmet was... also dark. Everything about him was dark. Except the light which glinted off his visor - which just accentuated the overall darkness. He held a weapon - some kind of gun. He sneered. He had a bit of stubble. Some would say he had the look of Stallone, some would say Eastwood - but really he looked like no one except...

"I can't see his badge," said Larry.

"It starts with a 'D'..." said Mick.

"What next?"

"Hang on, I'm trying to..."

The judge turned.

"'R'... 'E'..."

He lifted his weapon.

"'D'... another 'D'..."

He mouthed a word and slowly squeezed the trigger.

"Dredd! It's Judge Dre-!"

Judge Dredd fired.

***

Shattered glass... blood... tea... Frappuccino...

Larry and Mick groaned, as they attempted to rise.

"Don't move, creeps," said the powerful, but strangely quiet voice.

As the smoke cleared, they first saw the barrel of the Lawgiver... then the badge... then the chin.

"Six months for staring at a judge," said the owner of the chin.

"Bugger," said Mick.

"Another six months for swearing."

Larry and Mick said no more.

[ fin ]