fighting

a struggle. water in the lungs. your
brain floats around in your head, a hot
air balloon you forgot to tie down. i forgot
your favorite color and your middle name. you know
i didn't, but these are the things we say at the end
of the night, at the end of the day, when our fingertips
clutch things that aren't things, don't want to be
things, but stay regardless. we all fight a losing
battle, just for the sake of fighting.

your initials are JAG. i thought it was
amazing for the longest time, until you looked
at me and started crying. your face does this weird
thing where it twitches, and it made me want to grab
your heart and kiss it. you said it's about the loss
of a flame, and i would like to rekindle it.

you said you can't burn what has
already come to ashes. it made sense,
but i didn't see you as burning at all, and
when you saw the look on my face, you said, "there
is a reason for that."

the fact is that i don't love you,
and i would just like to start being you.
my head hurts, and you say, "then go on. be
the hero. climb into the meat suit,"
but i've got no hands and no mouth,
and i've got legs but they're pegs
with a disconnection, a rejection,
and we sit here staring at the world
passing by and say, "thank god. I never
wanted that."

only we did.