For a Long Time I Went To Bed Early! I.P.

For a long time I went to bed early.   I.P.   1192 words

But then I gave it up.  Tonight, however, I was thinking I might catch a few extra zzz’s. What tricks our minds do play.  I have a nice relaxing bath and put on my nightclothes and I drink my cocoa. I slip into bed in my nice cool room and settle down for sleep. It should be arriving any time now. Well, give it a chance. I'm sure it won't be long. I feel I'm nicely relaxed… Yes… I'm sure I am.

Now then, what are we going to have for dinner tomorrow?  I don’t want to do stewing steak it takes too long.  I start to drift off but another thought keeps trying to push its way forward and I push it back to where it belongs in the back recesses of my mind.  Yes, yes, I've decided, I will make a pie.  That’s it, start thinking about making a pie.   That should bring sleep driving a coach and horses thundering through the active part of my mind.  Good old Queen Mab, midwife to my dreams.  Now she is recklessly hurtling towards me to see me safely delivered to my rest.  Hang on though; I’ve got no fresh vegetables.  I can’t serve pie with no fresh veg.  No wait, I’ve got frozen peas and I've got some carrots so that will be good because it will use them up.

That thought is pushing its way forward again trying to divert me from my pie making duties tomorrow.  Again I push it back.  I think I’ll do lots of potatoes and make a nice mash. That always goes down well with pie. It’s doing it again, pushing its way forward, just push it back. I want to go to sleep I have come to bed early for that very reason.  I try to relax and I breathe deeply that's what they say. Try to breathe deeply and think of the ocean slurping onto the seashore in a vain attempt at overpowering it.  Oh, I’ve just remembered, I’ve got people coming to dinner tomorrow night so I’ll have to go shopping. Stop thinking about tomorrow and try to relax.

No, no, that thought comes crashing through the walls and into my mind again.  It’s well and truly back, more urgent, more insistent, more determined. 

How can I get rid of this one damn thought that drives good sleep away.  Oh, thank goodness, I‘m starting to feel drowsy. Yes, I am definitely feeling drowsy.  Have I got a dessert for tomorrow night?  Oh, blow. What can I give them?  I’ve no time to make something.  I know, I’ll look in the freezer tomorrow.  No, better go down and look now.  Well, maybe I could make something but I also need to make sure the house looks nice. These people have never been before so I want to make a good impression.

Drat and damnation it’s back again.  Will it never stop its incessant chatter in my head?  I will not let it have dominion over my mind.  Once more I push it back.  What can I think of instead?  No, it’s all right sleep is fast approaching.  It’s on the dual carriageway. Now it’s in the outside lane.  It’s about to overtake…

My eyes defy me and open unbidden.  I look at the clock.  I’m really tired.  Why can’t I sleep?  I’ve been in bed nearly an hour.  It’s going to be a very long night at this rate.

It’s back!

That thought that keeps going round in my head is like it is sitting on a horse on a carousel laughing at me. Do you really think I’m going to let you sleep when there’s work to be done?  You fool it seems to say mocking me in my naivety to think it would allow me to go to sleep.

Other thoughts are laying siege as even now they are surmounting the walls and are at the city’s gate of my mind.  The window cleaner! I should have called the window cleaner.  Now my guests will think my windows are always this dirty.  Oh, and I should have vacuumed yesterday.  I’ll have to do it tomorrow.  Thank God I cleaned the bathrooms yesterday.  The kitchen!  What sort of state is the ….zzzzz’s?

Aaah! I never washed the kitchen floor!

Now I’ll never get to sleep.  Oh no you don’t, get back, I say, get back.  I will not let you overpower me.  Quick think of something, anything, perhaps something funny.  Yes, that might keep it back.  I can feel my mind whirring into action as it tries to come up with the goods.  Then it makes its selection.  Good choice!

My sister…my sister and her husband went shopping one day and she wanted to go to M & S but he was worried about where he was parked so he went back to the car and told her to be quick.  The reason she wanted M & S is that they are the only shop that sell a particular brand of extra large peanuts that they both like.  So she rushes into the shop eyes darting everywhere looking but then her mobile phone goes and it is her irate husband urging her to be quick.   Then she spots a smartly dressed man obviously the store manager standing to one side.  Ah Ha!  He should be able to tell her if they have any. 

‘Excuse me,’ she says.  ‘Do you have extra large nuts?’

The man was desperately trying not to laugh when my sister realised what she had said.  Thank goodness she didn’t say,

‘Can you tell me where you keep your nuts?’

Nope, it’s back.  So that didn’t work.  I think I might try to read seeing as I’m still awake.  It’s been two hours now but still sleep evades capture.  I read for an hour and then I turn out the light because my eyes are drooping.  Now I will sleep.

I drift off zzzzz’s NO!  Wake up!  Wake up!  I have an idea.  No, it can wait for the morning.  No, no, it can’t, it’s urgent. I ignore it zzzzz’s.  You can’t do that it is not allowed The Geneva convention clearly states airing cupboards must be of a statutory size. If they hold more than two sets of double sheets then they are in breach.  But the howl of the lone wolf soon drives thoughts of airing cupboards away.  It’s spotted its prey and is calling its pack to the chase.  But then the huntsmen’s horn is heard and the wolves now give chase to the huntsman.  Serves him right, now he knows how the poor fox feels. ‘Danger deviseth shifts, wit waits on fear.’  Shifts!  Is my husband on nights this week?  I can’t remember.   I must remember.   It’s important but I don’t know why. I wake up in a cold sweat.  Shifts!  Shifts!  Why can’t I remember?  Then I do remember, my husband doesn’t work shifts.

Then, it all comes flooding back to me.  What it is that has kept me from my sleep?  It’s this week’s bloody I. P.

End